How to Do the Purim Meal Right: A Practical Halachic Guide

The Megillah states:

“Mordechai recorded these events and sent letters to all the Jews in all the provinces of King Achashverosh, near and far, establishing that they should observe the fourteenth day of the month of Adar, and the fifteenth day as well, every year, as the days on which the Jews gained rest from their enemies, and the month which was turned for them from grief to joy and from mourning to a festive day, to make them days of feasting and joy, and of sending portions one to another, and gifts to the poor.”

From this verse, the Sages derived the mitzvot of the day: the festive meal, joy, mishloach manot, and matanot la’evyonim.

When to Hold the Purim Meal

The mitzvah of the Purim meal is to hold it during the daytime. If one made the meal at night, the obligation was not fulfilled. The verse states “days of feasting and joy,” meaning days and not nights.

According to kabbalistic tradition, the meal should preferably be held in the morning. This view is cited by the Rashash, the Shelah, the Pri Megadim, the Vilna Gaon, and others.

When Purim Falls on Friday

When Purim falls on Friday, even those who usually hold the meal at midday should preferably move it earlier, ideally before midday, so that they will enter Shabbat with an appetite.

If one did not move the meal earlier, it may still be held at any point during the day. However, the Purim meal is certainly not fulfilled on Friday night.

When the Meal Extends into Shabbat

If Purim falls on Friday and one prayed Mincha early, began the Purim meal in the afternoon, and the meal continues until Shabbat begins, the following procedure may be followed.

One pauses the meal and spreads a cloth over the lechem mishneh to indicate that the continuation of the meal is now in honor of Shabbat. One then stands and recites Kiddush over a full cup of wine, as on any Shabbat.

If wine was already consumed during the meal, there is no need to repeat the blessing Borei Pri HaGafen. One recites only the text of Kiddush and then drinks the cup. Afterward, the meal continues with eating, drinking, words of Torah, and songs of praise to Hashem.

At the conclusion of the meal, Birkat HaMazon should include both Al HaNissim for Purim and Retzeh Ve’hachalitzeinu for Shabbat. One should then pray the Shabbat evening service.

Bread and Meat

It is a mitzvah to make the Purim meal abundant. Ideally, one should eat bread so that the meal is considered a proper seudah.

It is good to eat beef specifically, as some authorities write that true festive joy is associated with beef, and that poultry or fish alone may not fulfill the ideal form of the mitzvah.

Wine and the Measure of Joy

One should drink more wine than usual on Purim. The Meiri explains that a person is obligated to increase joy through eating and drinking, yet we were not commanded to drunkenness or loss of dignity. The joy of Purim is meant to lead to love of Hashem, gratitude, and blessing His Name for the miracles He performed.

The Chayei Adam adds that since the Purim miracle unfolded through the wine feasts Esther made, the Sages instructed us to drink more wine in remembrance of the miracle. However, one who knows that drinking will cause him to neglect mitzvot, fail to pray, or behave frivolously should refrain.

A proper approach is to drink a bit more than usual and then sleep. While asleep, one does not distinguish between “Cursed is Haman” and “Blessed is Mordechai,” thereby fulfilling the teaching of the Sages.

“Ad D’lo Yada” Explained

The Gemara states that one is obligated to drink on Purim until he does not know the difference between “Cursed is Haman” and “Blessed is Mordechai.” Many explanations were offered:

One approach understands this as drinking until one falls asleep. Another holds that one should drink but stop just short of losing this distinction. Others explain it as being unable to discern which miracle was greater, the downfall of Haman or the elevation of Mordechai.

Some explain it as an inability to recount the miracle clearly, while others interpret it as losing the ability to calculate the gematria of the two phrases, which are equal. Another explanation relates to traditional Purim songs in which the phrases alternate, and one drinks until he no longer knows which response comes next.

A lighthearted explanation teaches that drinking removes awareness of one’s social status, whether rich or poor, and with it the emotional distinctions tied to “cursing” or “blessing.”

Song, Torah, and Gratitude

It is good and pleasant to increase songs and praises to Hashem during the Purim meal. The Chemdat Yamim writes that one should linger at the table, eat and drink more than usual, gladden the household, and recount the Purim miracle so that all present learn to revere the great Name of Hashem.

Communal Meals and Proper Conduct

Some communities gather multiple families together for the Purim meal, singing and sharing words of Torah and faith. This is praiseworthy when conducted in holiness, modesty, and fear of Heaven, with proper separation between men and women.

If the atmosphere is improper, one who values his soul should distance himself and encourage the organizers to restore holiness and purity. Such a meal is pleasing to Hashem, strengthens holiness above, and brings blessing to those who inspire others.

Liability for Damage

If someone becomes intoxicated, dances, causes damage, or soils another person’s clothing, he is fully liable for the damage. There is no difference between damage caused on Purim and damage caused on any other day.

The Shelah and the Eliyah Rabbah warn that reckless behavior is not the joy we were commanded to pursue. Purim joy is a joy of mitzvah, not of loss of control.

Closing Thoughts

Purim joy reaches its fullest expression when it is guided by halacha and filled with meaning. Through the meal, song, and gratitude, we transform celebration into connection and remembrance of Hashem’s kindness.