What Should I Do for My Wife on Our Anniversary?

“My anniversary is tomorrow. What should I do?”

How many times have you asked a friend this question, or had a friend ask you the same?

We want to celebrate important moments, but we don’t always know how.

There is also another challenge. By the time we finally come up with an idea, it feels like a one time solution. You cannot give the same gift for a birthday that you gave for an anniversary. A birth needs something special. And then suddenly you remember that this is also the day you got engaged all those years ago. How did that slip your mind? Your wife will definitely remember. And we have not even started talking about holidays, when there is a clear obligation to bring joy to one’s wife for the sake of the festival.

No one warned us that getting married also means enrolling in an ongoing course in creativity, complete with an endless demand for new ideas and rising expectations.

One Word That Changes Everything

So I decided to share the essence of what I call my Gift and Event Reference Guide. If you like it, you are welcome to use it. It is not long. In fact, it includes just one word: simplicity.

Think back to your wedding. The one where you, or more accurately your parents, spent a small fortune on the venue, flowers, music, photography, clothing, jewelry, and everything else.

What was the happiest moment of that day? Was it when the photographer instructed you to stand and smile? Was it the gourmet dish that cost the equivalent of forty monthly salaries?

For most people, the answer is no. The most meaningful moments were usually the exchange of a look, the holding of hands after the chuppah, or another quiet moment of connection.

What We Actually Remember

Nostalgia and good memories are almost always born from human interaction.

All the money that was spent was meant to wrap around the relationship itself. If the wedding experience was filled with stress, anger, and arguments, no amount of investment could compensate for that.

King Solomon already taught us this truth. Better a piece of dry bread with peace than a house full of feasting and strife.

It is not necessary to spend a monthly salary on a birthday, just as it is not essential to eat dry bread. What truly matters is your smile and your sincere blessing. Those are far more valuable than the gift itself.

Rethinking Surprises

There is one more point worth noticing. Much of our frustration around gifts and celebrations revolves around surprises that somehow never quite match our partner’s taste.

If you choose simplicity, a shared experience can be the gift. Going together to a store, choosing something side by side, sitting for coffee and talking, without surprises or pressure, can become a meaningful celebration in itself. Instead of trying to impress, invest time. Wish each other well. Be present.

What We Truly Miss

For those who have lost grandparents, miss family members who live far away, or carry other kinds of longing, try to ask yourself what it is you truly miss. Is it the gifts and surprises, or is it the simple moments of shared meals, laughter, and conversations about life?

By the way, my wife has a birthday coming up soon. I am debating whether to open my one word guide again, or maybe let you suggest something creative, preferably on a budget. What do you think?

Pinchas Hirsch is a couples counselor, M.F.C.