The Importance of Love and Character Refinement: A Guide to Ethical Living

The book Orchot Tzadikim is one of the most important works of Mussar (Jewish ethical teachings), though the identity of its author is unknown. According to various theories and manuscripts, the book was written around the year 1440. It focuses on the work of refining character traits, as a foundation for a life of Torah and mitzvot (commandments). The book contains chapters on more than 20 different traits, as well as on basic behaviors such as Torah study, fear of heaven, and repentance.

In his introduction, the author explains that he preferred to remain anonymous and uses a parable to highlight the necessity of the book even for scholars of Torah: just as a small hole in a barrel of fine wine would cause all the wine to spill out, so too, a Torah scholar who lacks good character traits will lose all his Torah.

The Importance of Love

In the chapter on love, the author explains that many actions stem from the character trait of love. He lists seven types of love, explains what each includes, and ultimately clarifies the concept of loving God and the way to achieve it.

Love encompasses more actions than any other trait. When a person directs their love toward evil, no other evil trait is worse; however, when a person directs their love toward good, it surpasses all other traits, as it is written: "And you shall love the Lord your God" (Devarim 6:5), and there is no greater virtue in serving God than serving out of love. Now, hear how love can corrupt actions when it exceeds wisdom, as many kinds of love are different from one another:

1. Love of Children
   A person loves their children, and out of love, they fail to discipline them or guide them toward the right path. They allow them to follow their bad desires, which leads to great harm.

2. Love of Money
   A person driven by greed for money will not engage in honest business transactions. They will covet, oppress, and steal in order to increase their fortune, and their excessive desire for wealth will lead them to withhold charity, causing a hardened heart.

3. Love of Women
   If a person has a wife who is proud and ill-natured, she will remove all the commandments from his heart and draw him after her. Out of love, he fails to rebuke her and listens to her counsel, leading him into evil actions. Additionally, out of excessive love for women, he will constantly look at them, speak lewdly, and come to adultery.

4. Love of Family and Friends
   Out of love for them, a person will support them in their disputes, not considering if they have wronged others. They will always defend and cover for them, even if they have made many mistakes. They will listen to their advice, even if it is poor advice. They may even try to elevate them to positions they do not deserve, such as making them rulers, even if they are wicked.

5. Love of Life
   A person overly attached to life will not withstand trials or challenges.

6. Love of Honor
   A person who loves honor will not perform actions for the sake of heaven. In every mitzvah they do – whether giving charity, studying Torah, or other commandments, their intention will be to seek praise and honor, wanting people to give them respect and recognition. This is a great loss in their service of God, as even one who possesses Torah and good deeds can be led astray by the pursuit of honor.

7. Love of Pleasures and Luxuries
   Including eating, drinking, and other worldly pleasures like promiscuity and traveling. A person who indulges in wine and food, regularly goes to feasts, and gets drunk, will forget their Creator, as it is written: "When you eat and are satisfied, beware that your heart does not become proud and you forget the Lord your God" (Devarim 11:15-16); and "Yeshurun grew fat and kicked" (Devarim 32:15).

Escaping the Traps of These Loves

To escape the traps of these loves, one needs great wisdom and courage, as these loves encompass a person's heart. Even if a person rejects one or two of them, the remaining ones will still pursue them, leading them from light to darkness. Therefore, one must be cautious and swift to use these loves in the knowledge of God's ways, as it says: "In all your ways know Him" (Mishlei 3:6).

The love of children should be such that one thinks of guiding them in the ways of justice and teaching them to serve God, as it is written: "A father to children will make known to you your truth" (Yeshayahu 38:19), and "You shall teach them to your children and to your children's children" (Devarim 4:9), as was said of Avraham: "For I have known him, in order that he may command his children and his household after him" (Bereishit 18:19).

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The love of money should be such that one loves their wealth to the extent that they will not covet others’ wealth, will not steal or oppress, and will not need to receive charity. Rather, they will use their wealth to support others, clothe the poor, feed them, and sustain Torah scholars who fear God. They will also use their wealth to separate themselves from worldly affairs and set time aside for Torah study and mitzvah observance, as they have the means to do so.

The love of women should be such that one sees their wife as their partner in preventing sin and in fulfilling the commandment of procreation, and she will help them with their duties, allowing them to be free to study Torah and engage in mitzvot. Through her, they fulfill the will of God.

The love for one's father and mother should be such that one recognizes they raised them and taught them the ways of God, and by honoring them, they fulfill the commandments of the Creator. "Honor your father and your mother" (Shemot 20:12). Likewise, one should love their siblings and other relatives for their role in bringing them to serve God.

The love for friends should be complete, as it says: "Love your neighbor as yourself" (Vayikra 19:18), and this is a great principle in the Torah: "What is hateful to you, do not do to others" (Shabbat 31a).

Loving Mankind

There is great benefit for those who behave with kindness and goodwill toward others.

One benefit is in this world. When a person behaves lovingly toward everyone, they will be helped by all; if they fall, many will support them; if someone stands against them in conflict, many will silence the critics and shame them; if they face hardship or poverty, everyone will sympathize and assist them with gifts.

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The benefit in the world to come is that they will be beloved by all, and their words will be heard. They will be able to teach people to improve their actions, and through love, they will live in peace with everyone. Love will make them calm and serene, free to teach and do good deeds. Through love, others will help them and protect them, and they will find comfort in doing God’s work.

How to Achieve Love for Others

How can one achieve love for all people? The path is through helping others with your soul and with your money to the best of your ability. Helping with your soul means serving everyone, both rich and poor, and making an effort for them.

Helping with your money means:

• Lending to the wealthy when they need money

• Lending to the poor when they are in distress

• Giving gifts according to your ability

• Occasionally sending gifts even to the wealthy

• Being generous with your own possessions

• Dealing honestly with people in business, not quarreling over minor matters

• Always wishing for your friend’s benefit, not seeking to gain from them

• Speaking kindly to others, never humiliating or misleading them

• Bearing your own burdens and not making others bear them unnecessarily

• Not quarreling with others

• Receiving everyone with joy and a pleasant demeanor, as a smile strengthens love

• Trading in a manner that benefits your friend

• Comforting others in their sorrow and worries

• Keeping secrets entrusted to you, even if they upset you

• Not speaking ill of others, nor listening to others speaking ill of them

• Always striving to find merit in others where possible, and being especially careful in this.

By following these ways, you will be loved by all. You will honor everyone with your actions and words, and not be proud before anyone, but humble yourself before all. In everything, you should act for the sake of heaven.

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Avoiding Bad Company

It is very important to avoid associating with unworthy people, to not learn from their actions, and to stay away from the company of scoffers. The wise man said to his son: if the thought arises in your heart to associate with others, associate with the wise, as it says: "Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise" (Mishlei 13:20). And it is said: "Give to a wise man, and he will become wiser" (Mishlei 9:9), because if you become wise, you will be honored, and if you honor them, they will honor you.

Do not connect with the wicked in worldly matters. Even in matters of mitzvot, it is forbidden to associate with the wicked, as it says: "Do not envy a man of violence, and do not choose any of his ways" (Mishlei 3:31). And the sages taught in Avot D’Rabbi Natan (9:6): "Do not be a companion to the wicked, even for matters of mitzvah." Many paths lead to death when in the company of the wicked.

If a person is careful with themselves, speaking gently with others and engaging with them thoughtfully, not reacting harshly or with arrogance, they will be loved by all. They will honor everyone and never be haughty. In all their ways, they will act for the sake of heaven.

Loving Honor and Refraining from Seeking It

Honor is a dangerous love, so one must avoid it with all their strength. If a person avoids two things – seeking honor and enjoying the benefits of others, they will be close to all the good virtues. Honor corrupts all actions, for in every act, a person will think of being honored. Even if they are not concerned with honor, if they seek enjoyment from others, their actions will be corrupted, as they will always be swayed by personal gain.

One should therefore strive to distance themselves from honor and the desire for enjoyment from others, unless in cases where honor is needed for the sake of fulfilling the will of God, such as when one is a righteous and wise person and is mocked by the world for their good deeds. In such cases, one may pursue honor to compel people to listen to them. But most of the time, one should distance themselves from honor and flee from it.

Loving Pleasures, Eating, Drinking, and Sleeping

A person should adjust their actions to know God. Their eating, drinking, sitting, and all their activities should be for this purpose. When eating or drinking, they should not do so to enjoy, but rather to sustain their body in service to God, and they should avoid excesses that are harmful to the body.

The Healing of the Soul

The love of a wife should be for the sake of fulfilling the commandments of procreation and to preserve oneself from sin. A person’s love should be directed in all their actions to God, so that all they do, even in marriage, is for the service of God.

Finally, one should always remember to perform all actions in the name of God, not for the sake of any worldly pleasure or benefit, but for the sake of fulfilling the truth. And in doing so, they will find true happiness in this world and the world to come.