From Grief to Purpose: The Lubavitcher Rebbe’s Powerful Message to a Bereaved Father

Many people were seated in the waiting room before their private audience with the Lubavitcher Rebbe. Among them was Rabbi Nachum Rabinovitch, who noticed one man sitting hunched over, broken in spirit. When it was finally his turn to enter the Rebbe’s room, he walked in with heavy, faltering steps.

When he came out however, Rabbi Rabinovitch was astonished by the transformation. The man’s posture was upright, his face radiant, and it seemed as though he now knew exactly where he was headed.

Curious about the change, Rabbi Rabinovitch approached him. The man opened his heart and shared what the Rebbe had told him.

A Father’s Unbearable Loss

“A short time ago,” the man began painfully, “my wife and I experienced a terrible tragedy. Our only son was suddenly taken from us. He was our treasure, the center of our home, the light of our lives. Everything ended. My wife and I no longer see any purpose in continuing. We have no energy to keep fighting, nothing to look forward to, no future. Nothing good seems possible anymore.

“I came to the Rebbe as a last attempt and asked him, ‘Rebbe, why am I still alive? What do I still have to do in this world?’”

The man explained that the Rebbe cried together with him. After a moment of silence, the Rebbe looked at him and gently asked a question.

The Rebbe’s Question

“Tell me,” the Rebbe said, “if you heard that your son had traveled to a distant country overseas, and that he was doing well there. You could not communicate with him, and he could not communicate with you. There would be a barrier between you, yet you would know that he is in a good place. How would you feel?”

The father answered honestly.
“It would be painful not to communicate with him, but I would be relieved and happy knowing that he is in a place that is good for him.”

The Rebbe continued.
“Now imagine that you receive a message from that distant place telling you that you can send him packages, gifts, and letters, and that he receives them and is happy because of them. What would you do?”

The man’s voice trembled as he replied.
“What would I do? I would send him packages, envelopes, gifts, anything I could to make him happy.”

Gifts That Reach the Heavens

The Rebbe then said to him: “Know that your son is now in such a place. He receives packages from you. Your son has not ended. He is not a thing of the past. He exists in another way. He is in a distant realm where he cannot answer you, cannot thank you, cannot respond but he waits to hear from you and to receive your attention.

“When you say Kaddish for him, it is a gift that reaches the heavens. When you give charity in his merit, it is like an envelope that rises to the highest realms. When you perform an act of kindness in elevation of his soul, it is a beautiful package that travels all the way to where your son is now.

“He cannot send you a message saying, ‘Father, thank you,’ but he rejoices in every single thing you do for him.”

These words, the man explained, revived his spirit. He left the Rebbe’s room no longer broken, but strengthened by a new understanding: that love does not end with loss, and that every mitzvah performed in memory of a loved one continues the bond between souls.