Navigating Love: Are We Really Right for Each Other?

“I've spent three days working on this gift. Three days planning and making a special surprise, and how does she react? She says, ‘You don’t get me. You don’t see me.’ Then she goes back to her usual line, suggesting that maybe we just aren’t compatible. Do you know how much that hurts me?” Yoval began angrily.

“If he would just listen and hear me, considering this is the thousandth time I’ve told him I don’t like surprise parties, I would know he truly cares about me. That he knows me and is looking out for what really makes me happy,” Sarah responded, equally upset.

“You know what? Maybe we really aren’t suited for each other. I’m not willing to live with a woman who doesn’t appreciate me,” Yoval replied.

“I think you don’t know how to compromise, and in a relationship, one must compromise. A lot,” Sarah concluded.

At this point, I introduced a perspective that often surprises couples.

The Misunderstanding About Compromise

“The act of compromising within a relationship to maintain it is a mistaken belief that drives people apart. Men and women have masculine and feminine emotional movements, which parallel physical anatomy."

“A masculine emotional movement is one of influence, giving, nurturing, and planting."

“A feminine emotional movement is about receiving, being influenced, and surrendering, much like how soil responds to watering and planting."

“When you’re a mom, your emotional movement toward your children is masculine, and that's great. That’s how it should be. But in a romantic relationship, the foundation should be that the masculine side brings a masculine movement to the relationship, while the feminine side brings a feminine movement.”

When the Roles Flip

“Regarding the incident you mentioned: Yoval gave you a gift, and that movement is masculine in terms of influence and giving. You felt the gift wasn't accurate or good for you. Yoval, you felt hurt by Sarah's reaction, took offense, and withdrew into yourself, which is a feminine movement, leaving you, Sarah, feeling abandoned."

“That feeling of abandonment naturally led you to start focusing on Yoval, how he’s not right, and how he doesn’t truly know you. All this preoccupation with Yoval brought you to connect with a masculine emotional state. This began a long, exhausting negative cycle for the couple, with each adopting opposing emotional movements. It’s no accident that it says, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and cling to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.’”

“Do I need to cling to Sarah? What is Sarah supposed to cling to?” Yoval asked.

Clinging and Growing

“A man’s movement is overcoming challenges and growing from them. That’s why the man’s trajectory in life is ‘therefore he shall leave his father and mother,’ departing from what is familiar and childlike, looking for someone who accepts him 100 percent as he is."

“The movement of overcoming is agreeing to step out of that known place and into a new space, where the man becomes an influencer. A man who generates and draws energy from above. When a man cares for his woman, abundance flows through him, and he connects to a very high channel of abundance and power."

“If the man, who is a light, turns into a vessel that seeks to receive, that brings limits, clashes, and an empty relationship. This is a spiritual law.”

I then turned to Sarah.

“For you, Sarah, when Yoval hurt you and acted in a way that made you feel unseen and unheard, every interpretation of that event revolves around obsessing over Yoval, how he’s not right, and how it all keeps repeating."

“It’s so hard to get out of that place, and as a woman, you have a huge memory regarding that. He’s always like this. If he’s always selfish and uncaring, then I’m probably always unimportant, unworthy, and not valued. There’s a system that feeds itself. Both parties sustain a system together that weakens itself and each other.”

“Why does it weaken?” Yoval asked.

“Because I realize that if I’m very hurt, it seems like Yoval doesn’t care. But he is likely hurting just as much. He might be masking or ignoring that pain."

“When we feel abandoned, we automatically abandon ourselves, and then we start to focus on him. That’s why it’s very important, Sarah, that you also do your part. You need to cling to yourself. Ask yourself: ‘What do I need? Where have I not been true to myself in how I expressed myself?’”

Clinging to Yourself

“What do you mean by ‘cling’?” Sarah asked.

“By cling, I mean step away from your natural tendency to focus on what Yoval did or didn’t do. Slowly, we will learn here to use this pain for your growth and healing.”

“So, can you give us advice on how we can identify when we are in a feminine movement or a masculine movement?” Sarah asked.

“Yoval, if you’re engaged in what’s happening within you, you’re in a feminine emotional state. If you’re focused on how you can influence for Sarah, that’s a masculine emotional movement. For you, Sarah…”

“If I’m occupied with what’s happening inside me, then I’m in a feminine movement, and if I’m focused on Yoval, I’m in a masculine emotional state,” Sarah interrupted.

“It feels illogical to me, like only I need to be here selflessly,” Yoval complained.

“The relationship dynamics occur within the woman. She is the place. Her home is her husband. She hosts, she opens up, and she gives herself for the sake of the marital connection.”

“So being in a masculine emotional state means I’m always focused on her? What do I gain from that?” Yoval asked.

“When a man is focused on himself, he’s in a childlike state, and then he cannot be in an influencing place. To cling to a woman means to overcome and rise above nature. This is an invitation for any man who wants to truly be the head of his family. It’s not a condition or a goal."

“As a result, he illuminates the feminine side of the woman, and from that, all the treasures of the marital connection are revealed. This will have a reflection in reality. Influence, nurture, and care will result in full growth, surrender, and you will see your wife happy. If the children are happy.”

“What brings you more joy, Yoval, than seeing your wife happy with you? It’s not just a commandment for a man to make his wife happy,”

Hannah Dayan, Relationship Counselor