Navigating Love: Understanding Emotional Connections

"Do I really have to say everything? I'm so frustrated," Naomi complained.

"I’m always pursuing her, bringing her flowers, taking her out to dinner – and in the end, she’s still not happy, and even gets angry with me," Shaul chimed in angrily.

"The problem is that every time you feel a bit rejected by me, you get hurt, retreat into yourself, and go to bed, even if it’s only eight o’clock. I’ve explained so many times, in the simplest words, what I need from you, and I feel like you don’t get it. Do you think one day he’ll understand? Maybe you can explain it to him? Maybe he’ll grasp something from you?" she asked in despair.

"Let’s talk about which emotional movements you should adopt in order to create a connection. We can look at the act of creation by Hashem, and use the biological fertilization process to learn about a healthy couple dynamic.

"Once in a while, the egg is ready, waiting and hoping for the sperm to come and fertilize it. A massive number of sperm race toward the egg, with the journey full of obstacles. Only 400 out of 250 million sperm will reach the egg, and from them, only one will find the entry code, leading to fertilization.

"For a connection to form between a man and a woman, the man needs to direct all his emotional forces and move towards his wife. A forward linear motion. Just one direction, to her heart."

"How does this manifest in daily life?" he asked.

"The man should be in a state of giving and caring for her. He needs to do things for her, look out for her, make her happy, etc. But, be aware: just like with sperm, much of what you give and show might not directly reach her, and you may feel a sense of failure.

"It could be that you buy her gifts, and she might not like them. It could be that you say the right words, and they won’t enter her heart, just like many sperm fail to reach their goal.

"Nevertheless, you must keep that motion going all the time. This is your dedication – to keep moving toward her, because what matters here is not the success, but maintaining that movement.

"When you feel like you’re making an effort towards Naomi, and it’s result-dependent, you can break down, and then it will take a long time before you can muster your energy again.

"Just like there are many sperm that die along the way, failing to reach their target, you must also view the emotional efforts you bring into the relationship this way."

"I think it will be really hard for me to change this. I believe that what drives any person is the understanding that if I put in a certain effort, I want to see a result from it. If I don’t see results, I’ll lose motivation to continue," he replied with resistance.

"The result here is persistence in that movement. That’s the whole trick and the only movement that can lead to connection. It’s the phase where you discover the natural male energies within you. Both the movement of giving and the movement of purposeful action are masculine energies ingrained in a man’s soul.

"The challenge at this stage is simply connecting to your natural male essence, and this remains a natural step in the process."

"Are there more stages?" he asked.

"After all this investment, which accompanies so many failures, some of those emotional movements will indeed reach Naomi's heart, just like the sperm that successfully makes it to the egg.

"At this point, a process of overcoming linear task-oriented nature needs to occur. Here, you must bring the movement of wooing, which is a circular movement. Many emotional gestures around the egg, many actions and words of romance. This movement is neither linear nor goal-oriented, but a movement that probes and seeks the opening to Naomi's heart.

"Embracing this structure as an understanding of the correct perception of emotional movements will help you find your precise place as a man, and it will also enable you to realize your masculine energies in your relationship."

Hanna Dayan [email protected]

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