Cultivating Kindness: The Heart of How We Live Well

We all strive to be "good." The traditional and accepted way to reach this is through performing good deeds. While this is true and commendable, it doesn’t always yield results as quickly as we’d like, and sometimes, it can feel even less satisfying. So, what can we do?

To truly be good, we must first install the right software. This software is the heart.

"For it is not enough that you do good deeds alone; it is essential that you yourself are good. We want you to be good," said in the introduction to the book *Chovat HaTalmidim*. "It is insufficient for you to simply perform good actions; you must also be good yourself," (ibid. page 132).

Our sages taught: "A good heart that whitens teeth is better than milk - Rabbi Yochanan said: He who whitens his friend's teeth is better than he who gives him a drink of milk, as it is said ‘and a white heart glimmers more than milk’" (*Ketubot* 111).

"Rabbi Yitzhak said, whoever gives a coin to a poor person is blessed with six blessings, and he who comforts him with words is blessed with eleven blessings" (*Baba Batra* 9b).

It was taught by Abimi, the son of Rabbi Abahu, that one who feeds their father fat geese, but treats him poorly, has a son who inherits hell; but one who causes their father great difficulty for his own good and puts their whole heart into it, is destined to inherit the world to come (*Kidushin* 30a). Essentially, there is one who brings their father every comfort but behaves rudely, resulting in their inheriting hell, whereas another who brings their father a lot of trouble out of love is destined for paradise.

What unites all these examples is that the heart is the main component in shaping our personality.

A smile to a friend holds more value than the drink you offer them. Warming a poor person's heart is more valuable than the charity you give. Treating your parents kindly matters more than any delicacy you might offer them.

It’s not about titles, rankings, or certificates. The heart is the primary component. This is how we create quality.

Here’s a tip worth noting: "In everything a person does, they are given inspiration from above, leading them to act again in similar ways, and this spirit does not rest nor quiet until they engage in more such deeds" (the *Gra*, *Avot* 4:2). This means that in every action we take, we create a spirit that pushes us to repeat it!

So, if we previously thought that free will ends with making a choice, the *Gra* teaches us the opposite. Here, the story is just beginning! With each action, we actively pave the path for our future!

Revolutionary information! We can use this wonderful insight to empower ourselves: even if we aren’t consistently in a place of "being good," we can start creating "bubbles of goodness." Just being good for one minute. Once a day. Even just once a week. A single minute of genuine goodness, where the heart overflows. One time for the start. That moment is akin to "installing software." After that, everything will look different. Let’s maintain this bubble and begin to nurture it. We can expand its limits, growing it with more and more overflowing kindness each time.

In a relatively short time, we’ll discover a new quality developing within us. This quality will spread more and more until it transforms into our new reality. Happy installation and success!