Why Can’t I Find My Soulmate? The Chazon Ish’s Powerful Answer

A young woman once came to speak with the great sage the Chazon Ish. With tears in her eyes, she poured out her pain.

“I’ve been searching for my zivug, my soulmate, for many years,” she said. “I’ve met so many boys, but none of them want to continue. Tell me honestly, am I really so terrible? Am I such a nobody that no one wants me?”

The Chazon Ish listened quietly. After a moment of silence, he gently responded.

“I want to explain something to you,” he said. “But first I want you to answer me honestly.”

A Simple Question

He continued with a question.

“Imagine that I want to send a letter to the Cohen family who live at 2 Rabbi Akiva Street. I give you the letter and ask you to deliver it to them. You arrive at the building. It has four floors, with three apartments on each floor. There are no mailboxes and no names on the doors. You have no idea where the Cohen family lives.”

The Chazon Ish looked at her and asked, “What would you do?”

The young woman was surprised by the question and remained silent for a moment.

“I want to know,” the Chazon Ish repeated. “What would you do?”

She answered hesitantly. “I would knock on the first door and ask if I’ve reached the Cohen family.”

“And if they tell you, ‘No, this isn’t the Cohen family,’” the Chazon Ish asked, “would you start shouting at them in anger? Would you cry out, ‘Why aren’t you the Cohen family? What kind of chutzpah is this?’”

Of course not.

“There would be no reason to be upset,” he explained. “The Cohens simply live somewhere else in the building. Maybe on another floor. Maybe behind another door. You would just keep going until you reached the right family.”

The Chazon Ish’s Message

Then the Chazon Ish raised his voice slightly and said something she would never forget.

“I want you to understand something very important. The moment someone tells you ‘no’ to a shidduch, it simply means that this person is not your shidduch.”

He continued gently.

“Perhaps your destined husband is someone named Cohen. When you meet someone named Yitzhaki and he says no, do you have any reason to be hurt? To feel rejected? To ask, ‘Why aren’t you Cohen?’”

“He is Yitzhaki,” the Chazon Ish said. “He is not the one meant for you.”

“And when the real ‘Cohen’ arrives,” he concluded, “the shidduch will come together quickly and at the right time.”

This story was later shared by one of the Chazon Ish’s distinguished students, Rabbi Ben Zion Felman, of blessed memory.

And he added a final sentence.

“And so it was.”