The Meaning of Omer Customs: Mourning, Respect, and Inner Growth

The holy books explain that the days of the Omer are especially conducive to attaining spiritual elevation from Above. Their sanctity resembles that of the intermediate days of a festival (Chol HaMoed).

For this reason, we should invest more time and effort than usual during these days in Torah study and the performance of mitzvot. By doing so, we prepare ourselves to receive the Torah in its fullness when Shavuot arrives.

Why We Observe Mourning Customs During the Omer

During the period between Passover and Lag BaOmer, certain mourning customs are observed. There are several reasons for this practice:

1. The death of Rabbi Akiva’s students – Twenty-four thousand students of Rabbi Akiva died during this time because they did not show proper respect for one another.

2. The judgment of the wicked in Gehenna – According to Rabbi Yochanan ben Nuri, the judgment of the wicked in Gehenna lasts from Passover until Shavuot, and we, the living, express sorrow during this period.

3. A time of judgment for the crops – These days are also considered a time of divine judgment regarding agricultural produce.

These customs remind us to distance ourselves from jealousy, hatred, desire, and the pursuit of honor, and instead to cultivate the traits of humility and peace.

Weddings During the Omer

It is forbidden to hold weddings during these days in order to limit expressions of great joy.

Experience has shown that those who disregard this custom and marry during this period often do not find success in their marriage.

However, a divorced man is permitted to remarry his former wife during the Omer, since such a reunion does not carry the same level of celebration as a new marriage.

Differences Between Sephardic and Ashkenazi Customs

The Sephardic custom is to avoid weddings until the thirty-fourth day of the Omer (Lag BaOmer is the thirty-third).

Among Ashkenazi communities, several customs exist, and each person should follow the tradition of their ancestors.

If a Sephardic Jew was unaware that weddings should be delayed until the thirty-fourth day and already scheduled his wedding for Lag BaOmer, and invitations have already been distributed, he may still proceed with the wedding.

Engagement Celebrations

It is permitted to hold engagement celebrations (tena’im or vort) during the Omer period, as well as formal betrothal gatherings.

However, these events should be held without dancing and without music.

Haircuts During the Omer

The custom is not to take haircuts from Passover until Lag BaOmer.

Sephardim generally wait until the morning of the thirty-fourth day of the Omer before taking haircuts. This custom applies primarily to men.

Among Ashkenazim, practices vary, and each person should follow the custom of their family.

The Mindset of the Righteous

Shlomo HaMelech, the wisest of all men, said: “The thoughts of the righteous are justice, but the schemes of the wicked are deceit.” (Mishlei 12:5)

The first instinct of the righteous is truth and integrity. Their thoughts naturally move toward what is right and honest. In contrast, the wicked instinctively look for strategies, tricks, and deception.

A humorous story illustrates this idea.

A driver once ignored a stop sign. When a police officer pulled him over and asked for his license, the driver claimed he didn’t have one. When asked about insurance, he said he didn’t have that either. When asked about the vehicle’s registration, he again said he didn’t have it.

Because of these violations, the officer summoned him to court.

In court, the judge asked the driver for his license, and the driver immediately produced a valid one. The judge asked about insurance, and he presented full insurance coverage. The judge asked about the vehicle inspection, and again, the driver had it.

Confused, the judge asked, “How can this be? The officer testified that you said you had none of these documents.”

The driver replied, “He’s simply making things up! In another moment he’ll probably claim I didn’t stop at the stop sign either!”

Why the Wicked Think This Way

The wicked live in a distorted way and do whatever they feel like doing. Afterward they look for ways to deal with the consequences.

The righteous, however, begin from a different place. Their first instinct is simply to tell the truth.

Sadly, today when someone greets a friend warmly and asks, “How are you? How are you feeling?” the other person may immediately suspect: “I wonder what he wants from me.”

Everything begins to look like manipulation or deception. This is a tragic reality.

For that reason, a person should strive to draw close to the righteous, whose natural inclination is to live with honesty, integrity, and faithfulness.

A Lesson in Simple Truth

A story is told about a Jew in exile who succeeded in obtaining permission to immigrate to the Land of Israel.

Before leaving, he approached his rabbi with a question.

“Rabbi,” he said, “in a few days I will stand before the authorities at the border. Since I do not have identification papers, they will ask me my age. I came to ask for your advice: should I exaggerate and say I am older than I am, or perhaps say I am younger?”

The rabbi looked puzzled and asked, “Why don’t you simply tell them your real age?”

The man paused and answered quietly: “To be honest… I didn’t even think of that.”