My Shidduch Came to My Door and I Almost Didn’t Open It

“If ten years ago someone had told me that today, at 41, I would be telling my story as a married woman and mother of four, I probably would have laughed, cried, or maybe both,” says Tzvia Handelsman as she reflects on her extraordinary life journey.

“Back then everything felt dark and hopeless. The road I went through was incredibly turbulent and far from simple.”

Tzvia married at the age of 23, but very quickly she realized something was terribly wrong.

“I immediately understood that I had fallen into a serious trap,” she says. “I didn’t even realize how deep it was. I was willing to try anything. Counseling, therapy, whatever it took. I just did not want to get divorced. But Rabbi Chaim Kanievsky saw the situation differently and ruled that I should divorce immediately.”

The experience was devastating. The pain was made even harder by the fact that she felt completely alone.

“My family struggled to accept the idea of a divorced daughter,” she explains. “At the time the stigma around divorce was very strong. I felt completely shattered.”

Today, however, she looks back at that painful chapter in a very different way.

“Only now can I say that the crisis I experienced as a young woman was actually my rebirth. It pushed me to grow in ways I could never have imagined.”

From Rock Bottom to a New Beginning

In the aftermath of the divorce, Tzvia found herself overwhelmed and searching for comfort wherever she could.

“At that time the only thing that felt comforting was sweets and carbohydrates,” she admits. “I leaned on them heavily.”

This coping mechanism eventually led to significant weight gain and the development of Type 2 diabetes.

“I felt broken and exhausted,” she says. “Some days the only thing that gave me the strength to keep going was the mitzvah ‘Choose life.’ I clung to it with everything I had.”

Prayer became her main source of strength.

“My siddur, my Tehillim, and even my pillow absorbed many tears,” she recalls. “I prayed constantly.”

And as Jewish tradition teaches, no sincere prayer goes unanswered.

After a long period of struggle and reflection, Tzvia reached an important realization.

“I told myself, ‘If I am not for myself, who will be for me?’ I decided that I was not willing to remain stuck in despair.”

She began investing deeply in her physical and emotional well being.

“From the moment I decided to take care of myself, Hashem sent me incredible people who helped me rebuild my life.”

Tzvia threw herself into therapy and personal growth. It required both time and money, and she made many sacrifices in order to invest in herself.

“But it was worth it,” she says. “I felt as if I had received myself as a gift. I became a new woman.”

She adopted a healthy lifestyle and began studying nutrition, counseling, and later professional coaching. Eventually she received certification and began helping others make healthy lifestyle changes.

Faith Through the Waiting

During those years of self growth, Tzvia deliberately avoided dating.

“Other than wearing a wig, I lived completely as a single woman,” she explains.

But when she finally felt ready to get married again, the match suggestions she received were not exactly what she had hoped for.

“I continued praying to Hashem to send me the person meant for me,” she says. “For me, remaining single was not an option. I deeply wanted to build a home and a family.”

Did she truly believe the right match would come?

“Yes,” she says without hesitation. “Even in the hardest moments I tried to strengthen my faith that everything would work out for the best.”

Years earlier she had received a blessing from a great rabbi who told her that with Hashem’s help her match would come all the way to her home.

“And in the end,” she smiles, “that is exactly what happened.”

But the story has an ironic twist.

“My match actually did come to my home,” she says, “and I almost did not open the door.”

Learning to Let Go of the Checklist

The match was suggested by a client who had come to Tzvia through an advertisement.

“At first I rejected the idea,” she admits. “He did not fit the checklist I had created in my mind.”

She had imagined a husband who met many specific criteria. A Torah scholar, financially stable, sensitive, and with no children from a previous marriage.

“After everything I had been through, I felt I deserved something extraordinary,” she says.

Her upbringing also shaped those expectations.

“I grew up in a home deeply devoted to Torah,” she explains. “For fifteen years I supported my grandfather, who was a great Torah scholar and a truly righteous man. Love for Torah was part of my soul.”

At that point she turned to a professional mentor to help guide her through the process.

On Lag BaOmer that year she traveled to Meron. There she prayed with all her heart and made a personal commitment to strengthen herself in joy, regardless of circumstances.

On the way back to Jerusalem she experienced a powerful realization.

“Maybe Hashem wants me to face exactly the things I do not want,” she thought. “Maybe as long as I refuse to accept His plan, I will remain alone.”

That insight changed everything.

“I understood that if I truly wanted to build a family, I needed to look at the possibilities in front of me with new eyes.”

Building a Family

Eventually she agreed to meet the man who would become her husband.

The journey to marriage was not simple. From the first suggestion to the wedding took about nine months.

“When people ask me how I agreed to change expectations that once seemed so important, I tell them something very simple,” she says.

“I did not compromise. I chose.”

She chose to build a relationship and a family instead of remaining alone.

“I was determined to build a good and happy life, no matter how many challenges appeared.”

Today she says she received a wonderful husband.

“He does not check every single box from the list I once had,” she admits with a smile. “But honestly, who has a spouse who checks every box?”

What matters most, she says, are his good character, kindness, dedication, and willingness to grow.

During their courtship she discovered that although he was not learning Torah full time, he possessed a deep love for Torah.

Her late father gave her important advice.

“If he truly loves Torah,” he told her, “with your wisdom you will help him grow.”

Today, she says with gratitude, her husband spends half of each day learning Torah and continues to grow spiritually.

Helping Others Find Their Strength

Today Tzvia and her husband are raising four children.

“My greatest dream is to see them grow on the right path and bring true Jewish joy,” she says.

Alongside her family life, she has developed another important mission.

“I want to help women and girls who feel trapped in difficult life situations find their way forward.”

To do this she studied a wide range of professional tools including coaching, emotional counseling, NLP, CBT, therapeutic cooking, and creative workshops.

She developed a unique program called “And You Shall Choose Life,” which helps women rebuild their confidence and direction.

Over the years many women have turned to her for guidance, especially in the challenging world of relationships and shidduchim.

“There is no greater joy,” she says, “than receiving a message from someone I helped telling me she is now married, has a baby, and is happy.”

A Message for Women Still Waiting

When asked what message she would give to women who feel stuck in the shidduch process, Tzvia pauses for a moment.

“My message is simple,” she says.

“When you ask yourself why your match has not come yet, remember that the answer is often not where you think it is. Sometimes it lies deeper, in the subconscious or even in the soul.”

She believes that courage and honesty are key.

“Anyone who is willing to face her inner truth, even when it is painful, will find that the path forward begins to open.”

And she adds one final message of hope.

“Even if you sought help before and felt it did not work, do not give up. Pray that Hashem will guide you to the right people who can help you.”

“With Hashem’s help,” she says, “your next birthday could be as a wife and mother.”