She Closed Her Eyes: Then She Met Her Ten Year Old Self

"Whenever I feel alienated, as if no one is interested in me or paying attention to me, I retreat into an imaginary world. It makes me feel very disconnected, and I’m tired of it," Miriam said. "I want to feel. I want others to see what I feel and to be open with people."

"And how would that feel for you?" I asked.

"It would be very ambivalent," she replied. "On one hand I would feel a sense of liberation, and on the other hand I would feel great fear. I would feel very exposed."

"Fear of what?" I asked.

"Fear of getting hurt. When I’m exposed, I’m vulnerable."

"Close your eyes," I said gently. "Tell me, who is saying these words?"

"It’s me, at ten years old."

Meeting the Inner Child

"You are ten-year-old Miriam. How do you feel?" I asked.

"I feel detached, lost, and drained," she said quietly. "As if there is no ground beneath my feet."

"What would you like to ask of Miriam today?" I continued.

"Pull me out of here," she answered. "There is no real ground in this place. Take me somewhere stable, somewhere good, warm, and loving."

"What else would you like to tell her?"

"Keep going. Don’t give up. Don’t be afraid to be exposed. Being exposed is strength, not weakness."

A Dialogue Across Time

"You are Miriam today," I said. "You hear ten-year-old Miriam asking you to pull her out. How do you respond?"

"I tell her: don’t be afraid. I will take you somewhere safe. I am with you in all your feelings and emotions. Even when you feel alone, detached, and drained, I am with you. You are not alone anymore."

"What does ten-year-old Miriam look like now?" I asked.

"Color is returning to her face," Miriam said softly. "She looks relieved, as if a thorn has been removed from her eye."

"Where are the two of you? What is happening between you?"

"We are on a cloud," she said. "We are having a very meaningful conversation. Suddenly I understand everything that ten year old Miriam went through, all the difficult experiences she faced. And I am simply there with her."

The Sweetening of Emptiness

"What does it feel like to understand her and to be with her?" I asked.

"It feels like anything is possible," she said. "I feel secure and happy. All the emptiness that once existed has softened. I can live with that emptiness peacefully without needing to fight it. And that allows me to feel many different emotions that fill me."

"And how does Miriam today look now?" I asked.

"Strong," she replied. "She can step beyond her nature. Now it is just a matter of applying her strength in real life. I feel that the unity is not only between me today and ten year old Miriam. There is also a unity between the cloud and the ground."

"What does that give you?"

"It gives me stability. I feel that I can go down to the ground, back into reality, and leave ten year old Miriam on the cloud."

Returning to Reality

"What would you like to say to ten year old Miriam before you leave her there?" I asked.

"Don’t worry," she said. "I am going down now to use my strength in the world, and we will meet again soon."

She paused for a moment and then added with sudden clarity:

"I realize something now. Every time I go up to the cloud, I reconnect with my inner child and give her the presence she was missing as a child. And every time I return to the ground, I take that connection with me and bring it into my life with my own children."

"At least until I feel the need to connect with her again," she added.

"What brings that need to reconnect?" I asked.

"When ten year old Miriam calls me again," she said. "When I feel that same sense of absence that once overwhelmed me."

Holding Opposites

"I also realize that this process gives me the ability to hold opposites," she continued. "I can hold both connection and disconnection, pleasant emotions together with difficult emotions. Being able to hold both gives me a sense of wholeness."

"From that feeling," I suggested, "take yourself on a short journey into the future. How do you see your life? Where does your imagination take you?"

"I see that I no longer disconnect whenever I feel alienated or ignored," she said. "Instead of retreating into that imaginary place, I remain present. That will allow me to give my children the same sense of presence that I just gave the child within me. I will truly feel them and connect with them, and I will feel connected to my husband as well."

A Memory Etched in the Soul

"All the feelings you experienced here during this process are now etched in your soul," I said. "You can always return to this place of unity, presence, and inner wholeness."

All details have been changed to protect privacy.

Hannah Dayan, Relationship Counselor