Unmasking True Connection: A Couple's Journey Beyond Appearances

"I and Riki are two opposites, and maybe that’s why we don’t get along," said David.

"What do you mean by opposites?" I asked.

"The most important thing to her is what others think of us. She cares about posting pictures and videos of us on every social network. She shares only a few, staged and artificial moments where we look so happy and enviable.

"I know it’s one big lie. She knows it too, and I’m tired of living in this lie," David said.

"For him, he doesn’t mind that every guest who enters our home witnesses our ugly fights. He can’t step outside himself and understand that it’s uncomfortable for others to see us this way, and they’d rather not be around us," Riki said.

"I prefer to be real to the fullest. For those who find it difficult – they should just not be by my side. I’m not willing for our relationship to continue being a disguise,"

"Disguises and masks aren’t bad things," I responded.

"What?" David asked in shock.

"You could even say that disguises and masks are essential for life; they’re part of the game," I explained.

"I don’t get it; why does our relationship need a disguise? Why can’t it just be an open and free relationship in front of the whole world? I’m not afraid of that," David said defiantly.

"It’s not a matter of fear. The marital bond between you is a great light, and the external wrapping (the image) of it protects your privacy and also helps the outside world to accept your relationship.

"Imagine putting all your fights and unresolved issues on the table every time. People who aren’t really close to you won’t be able to contain them, and they won’t want to get close to you. At this point, the wrapping creates a layer of protection that allows the outside world to embrace your relationship."

"So you’re basically justifying me?" Riki asked.

"No. When you hold onto those scaffolds of disguise so tightly, and it really becomes the relationship itself, there’s no access to the healing capability of all the internal sickness that has developed. You just keep holding onto the outer wrapping, which seems outwardly healthy.

"That’s why people are often surprised when they see a shining couple with perfect communication – as if they were born to be together – suddenly getting divorced. They’ve actually become slaves to the image of the relationship, feeling that’s what keeps it together. They felt an expectation to be that couple that spends all their time together, smiling at each other, leaving sweet notes, and making well-documented gestures towards one another.

"All of this greatly limits the ability to remove the mask," I explained.

"Why?" Riki asked.

"Because if you take off the disguise, it will break the image that has been built with so much investment and out of many fears.

"In spirit, you are so identified with this image that it feels like the essence of the relationship, and to let go of the mask is to let go of the connection."

"So what do we do?" Riki asked anxiously.

"The recommendation is to learn to develop flexibility in your spirit and to stop being enslaved to that disguise because it limits the lights of the relationship and doesn’t allow it to truly develop. Sometimes you can be the romantic couple, and other times you’ll be the couple that struggles, that can’t get along, and is in despair."

"Still, it’s not really clear to me. How can we break free from this?" Riki asked.

"Recognizing the vulnerability point of your relationship, which until now has been based on the image, on the disguise – that’s the first and necessary step. Only then can we start to remove this disguise in front of your environment and in front of yourselves."

Riki began to cry.

"Listen, Riki, we’re not going to throw away this disguise. All your work hasn’t been in vain. This image has served you and protected you from the pains of life. It has shielded you from the pain that your relationship isn’t so perfect, and from the fear that if people see this breakup, it will be a kind of official stamp for you that the relationship is a failure." Riki continued to cry.

"In order to successfully develop flexibility in spirit, we need to clarify what the true desire behind this is. Riki, what do you really need?" I asked.

"I want to be seen and loved, to feel significant and have recognition in our relationship," she replied.

"Great. So we’ll learn together to reach those places, without depending on external approvals from the environment. The environment can approve of your disguise, but not your inner essential connection.

"Don’t get me wrong; disguising is important, and it’s a tradition that dates back to the sages of Israel, meant to convey a very important message: the disguise you see is only a shell meant to protect the person, and we need to learn to peel it away in our mind’s eye and see the soul and the great light that lies beneath."

All details have been changed to protect privacy.

Hanna Dayan[email protected]

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