When Silence Speaks Louder Than Words

"I don’t know what’s happening to me, but every little thing you do feels like the end of the world," said Lital Liron.

"What are you talking about?" questioned Yaron, surprised.

"You come home late and don’t say a word. You smile at people outside, but at home you’re shut down. I look at you, and I’m not even sure if you’re really here with me," Lital said.

"Why do you always interpret me this way? Maybe you should understand that I’m just tired?" responded Yaron, impatiently.

"But that’s how I feel!" Lital said, her voice shaking. "Each time I feel you pulling away and disconnecting – I experience it like a scream inside that you don’t want me anymore and that I’ve become tiresome to you. I realize this sounds extreme, but it really overwhelms me."

Yaron fell silent, and Lital took a deep breath and turned to me. "I hate being like this," Lital began to cry.

"How like this?" I asked.

"Dependent, exposed… it makes me feel like a child every time he doesn’t see me. I feel like it brings me back to an old and painful place," Lital continued.

"Can you tell me about that girl?" I asked her.

"A good girl, quiet. Always worried about helping and hoping to be noticed. When no one notices her, she learns to disappear a little more…" Lital said, tears still streaming down her cheeks.

"And today, when you feel unseen, is that girl speaking through you?" I asked.

"She doesn’t speak, she screams," Lital said.

Yaron looked at Lital. This time he managed to see her without all his defenses. "I don't want you to scream; I just don’t know how to deal with this. I don’t understand what I’m doing that hurts you so much," Yaron said helplessly.

"It’s not really you who does this to me… it’s what I tell myself about you. It’s my fears that are talking to me, and through them, I’m already experiencing this…" she said.

"What are you experiencing?" asked Yaron.

"If you’re silent, it means you’re not with me. If you’re busy, it means I’m unnecessary. If you haven’t told me you missed me, it means you didn’t really want to come back," she said.

"That sounds really scary to live like that," Yaron said empathetically.

"Right, it’s really scary. I’m constantly fighting those voices. There are days I win against them, and there are days they just take me down," she replied.

"What do those voices actually tell you?" I asked Lital.

"That everything is about to end. That everything happening isn’t real at all. That I’m foolish for believing in love, for believing that I’m really wanted…" she continued to cry.

"And what would you want to say to that voice right now?" I asked.

"Shut up. I’m no longer a child, and it’s okay for me to feel pain, and I won’t let you create stories for me," she answered.

Yaron looked at her and said: "I don’t know how to reach you when you’re in that place; I feel like you’re disappearing from me," he said.

"Because I get scared. It makes me build walls for protection. In that moment, I feel like you’re my enemy.

"I’m not…" Yaron replied immediately.

"Right, you just don’t know what to do with those depths, and I interpret your helplessness as indifference, and that really drives me crazy, that’s the truth," she told him.

"Tell me, Lital, what do you need from Yaron when this happens to you?" I asked.

"I need you not to shut down. Not to be silent. Just be there for me, without explaining or trying to solve my problems," she said.

Yaron nodded in understanding.

"Yaron, it’s okay to be tired, it’s okay not to know what to say. It’s okay for both of you to be scared," I finally addressed both of them.

Lital turned to him with a quiet, deep gaze. "I don’t want to keep being that hurt girl who constantly seeks proof that you’re with me. I want to be the woman with you, not a remnant from the past," she said.

"Lital, what else would you like to say to Yaron?".

"Yaron, I feel you right now, and it feels different, calm, and real," she turned to him.

Sometimes, it takes one moment of brave and honest looking to crack years of walls.

When we understand that the pain is old, but the connection is new and renewed – then we have a chance to choose not to fight, but to heal together.

All details have been changed to protect privacy.

Hanna Dayan [email protected]

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