When the Earth Tries to Illuminate the Sun: Understanding Relationships Through Family Dynamics

"I feel like I’m carrying this entire relationship on my shoulders. He just doesn’t see me," Yaal began quietly, continuing to describe a series of endless arguments and frustrations.

David, her husband, sat hunched on the side. "Of course I see you, and I also work very hard. What else does she want from me?" he protested softly.

"I’d suggest you try looking at your relationship through the model of a 'family solar system'. Imagine David as the sun, Yaal as Earth, and the kids as moons. This model can help us understand the physical forces at play between us," I suggested.

"Physical forces?" David asked, puzzled.

"Exactly. Natural attraction forces. When we work with these forces, there is flow and harmony. When we work against them, it leads to effort, frustration, and a sense of failure.

"The foundation of all these forces is the masculine and feminine energies. The masculine sun - it's the energy that goes out, influences, radiates. The Earth, being feminine - receives, attracts, is influenced, and reflects light. What is your masculine center of gravity, David?" I asked him.

"The place that conquers?..." he answered hesitantly.

"Not at all. The place that conquers is a movement outward for the sake of receiving. The masculine center of gravity is the desire to improve, to influence, to illuminate, and to nurture, just like the sun, whose energies bring life into the world.

"When you're connected to your true desire, a strong magnetic field forms around you that influences everyone nearby. People around you can feel security, stability. They don’t feel like you’re taking over, but that you're allowing them to find their own axis."

"How do I help them find their own axis?" David asked.

"When you are connected to your true, powerful desire, Yaal, like Earth, finds her axis. She moves around you, and then she doesn't need to collapse towards you."

"To collapse towards me means she is always coming to me with demands and accusations that cause me to collapse myself?" I sensed he was starting to get a bit annoyed.

"When the sun doesn't shine strongly enough, a vacuum is created. Earth (Yaal) loses her stable axis and collapses into the vacuum. She demands and tries to manage the sun, pulling from you the desire. The arguments you’re experiencing are the signal for that," I explained.

"That sounds very familiar. I try to manage and engineer him, and then he withdraws even more."

"When I do everything she wants to make her happy, then..." David began.

"It reverses the roles," I interjected. "The movement needs to be the other way around; you need to connect to your inner desire," I continued.

"What does connecting to my inner desire mean?" he asked.

"What do you want to bring to the family? What do you want to bring to the relationship? When you connect to that point, your light will naturally radiate," I replied.

"Can you help me connect to my desire?" David asked.

"There are various ways; one simple way is every morning, ask yourself: What is my desire for today? What do I want to influence and illuminate? It doesn’t have to be big things, just a practice of connecting to your inner desire, that way you strengthen your illuminating power," I explained.

"Wonderful," Yaal interjected.

"Yaal, what do you think your center of gravity is as Earth?" I asked her.

"Maybe the desire for calm and quiet?" she questioned.

"It’s indeed important to be calm and quiet, but the feminine center of gravity is desire."

"What do you mean by desire?" Yaal asked.

"Desire is an inner longing, a personal need to feel something. It’s a very powerful orientation inward. Ask yourself at every opportunity: 'What do I long to feel right now?'"

"Isn’t that selfish?" Yaal questioned.

"The feminine desire is a very strong longing to feel loved, wanted, secure, and illuminated. When a woman connects to these deep longings and feels them, she can absorb the power and influence she receives from her man, and then abundance and growth emerge from within her. It’s just like Earth, when illuminated by the sun, brings forth life. Yaal, when you don’t feel what you long for, you start demanding it from David, and that is already a wrong movement, as I explained earlier."

"So what do you suggest I do?" she asked.

"Start a journey inward. Take a deep breath and ask yourself: 'What do I truly long to feel right now?'. Note! Not what do I want to do, but feel. The more you practice, the more you will learn to recognize the whispers of your body."

"And what about the moons? The kids? How are they related to all this?" David asked.

"The moons move around the Earth, around Yaal. When Yaal is happy, the kids are happy. For that, she needs to be illuminated by you, David. This entire system revolves around you..."

"Sounds stressful; a lot of times I feel quite unnecessary..." David expressed.

"When you connect to your desire (the illuminating sun), and Yaal receives this light and connects to her desires (the stable and grounded Earth), then the kids (the moons) move around the mother in a healthy manner and don’t collapse into her with demands."

"But what am I supposed to do if David isn't 'illuminating' me enough?" Yaal asked.

"You can learn not to collapse immediately into that vacuum and begin to strengthen your connection to your inner desire, to a greater source of power. The more you connect inwardly, the less you'll depend on David's illumination."

"So each of us needs to work on ourselves?" David asked.

"It’s a journey where each of you connects to your own center of gravity and then applies it within your couple’s journey. When you, David, are in a movement of illumination, and then you see what’s happening in Yaal’s heart, then the storms calm. Yaal will feel illuminated and radiant, and that automatically magnetizes and organizes the kids."

"So how do I actually manage to do self-work within couple work?" David asked.

"When you feel Yaal 'demanding', ask yourself: 'How can I illuminate her right now? How can I see what she is feeling?'."

"Yaal, when you are about to demand, pause and ask yourself: 'What do I long to feel? How can I express that correctly? And when the sun illuminates, and Earth longs and responds – the small universe called 'family' resumes moving in harmony."

All details have been altered to protect privacy.

Hannah Dayan [email protected]

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