Transforming Negative Thoughts into Positive Ones

In our previous article, we explored how our thinking, particularly negative thinking, affects our reality. So, how can we change our mindset and start giving positive interpretations to the situations in our lives that will propel us forward and allow us to reach our potential?

The first and foremost answer is: Stop rushing to interpret reality!

We often make declarations and assumptions without proper backing, simply because we haven't taken the necessary time to examine, weigh, and solidify our assumptions. For example, when we're unexpectedly late for an important meeting, we tend to declare upfront, "A meeting that starts late will definitely go poorly."

Is this assumption unequivocally true? Certainly not. Even if we concede that being late might affect the course of the meeting, it's possible to soften our approach by saying, "Being late could have some impact on the meeting, but it may be limited to just the beginning, and could dissipate as it continues. Moreover, our conduct during the meeting matters significantly more than the delay, allowing us to change its trajectory and make it successful!"

When we form quick, unconsidered interpretations of reality, we paint situations with unnecessarily dark hues, without any objective justification. Conversely, when we reconsider facts with open eyes and an objective approach, we often find that reality isn't as bleak as it first seems.

Sometimes, a second thought can entirely neutralize our negative interpretation. Even if complete neutralization isn't achieved, further thinking can help at least reduce the negative dimension of our subjective interpretation.

Once we've minimized the negative aspect of our interpretation of reality, it's worth dedicating further thought to identifying the positive sides of reality. Don't just stop at reducing the negative; strive for a positive outlook on reality. Try repainting situations that naturally seem grim with cheerful and optimistic colors.

For instance, if someone shows up late to a meeting, they can also see the positive side. If they eventually arrive, take responsibility for the delay, and manage to apologize respectfully and act diligently from then on, this behavior can create a responsible and composed impression and demonstrate good manners.

Of course, no one is suggesting that tardiness should be encouraged to allow for an apology and the demonstration of etiquette. However, when the situation is set, and the delay is a fact, it can be turned from a weakness into a strength through positive thinking and interpretation of the situation.

Beware of Illusions!

It's crucial to stress: Positive thinking does not mean developing illusions. If the late attendee thinks positively by assuming there's no need to worry about the delay because the other party will understand it was inevitable, they might skip the apologies and avoid taking responsibility. That's certainly not the intent. Assuming "everything will be fine" without rational basis is not positive thinking but rather an elaborate illusion, and illusions have advanced no one.

Some people are pessimistic, always seeing the downside of a situation, while optimists see the positive. However, distinguishing between an optimist and a naive person is important. The optimist acknowledges the bad but believes the good outweighs it and recognizes the ability to address the situation. In contrast, the naive person overlooks the negative aspects, thus failing to address the situation appropriately.

Picture someone running into a busy street with closed eyes. We ask, "How are you?" They reply, "Great!" For now, they're feeling great. We caution, "Aren't you afraid of getting hit? You're running into a busy road with your eyes closed!" They retort, "Why the negativity? Think positively!"

Is this person a positive thinker? Definitely not. They're not thinking at all. This person is irresponsible, deluding themselves that all will be well without any rational basis. Such thinking is not born of wisdom; rather, it's quite the opposite and won't help them progress in life.

A person encountering life's obstacles and repeating "all will be well" without doing anything to improve the situation is not a positive thinker, but someone clinging to illusions. Without action, there's no reason for things to improve! A true positive thinker strives to do everything possible to improve the situation while simultaneously believing their efforts may yield results.

"Illusory thinking" not only leaves one stuck but also deprives them of learning from the situation. Consider someone fired from a job, reassuring themselves with "it'll be fine," and they might soon find another job. However, without understanding why they couldn't keep their job, they are likely to find themselves unemployed again and continue repeating "it'll be fine."

It might seem to outsiders that this person is an incredibly optimistic thinker, inspiring with their positivity. But truly, this is "illusory thinking" rather than genuine positivity. Instead of learning lessons and examining why they cannot maintain employment, they cling to unsupported optimism, excusing themselves from learning and improving, thereby missing chances for growth and advancement.

Positive thinking encourages taking responsibility, change, and improving situations. Unlike negative thinking, it includes hope and offers a chance for improvement through action. However, thought that leaves a person passive, immobilized, is not positive but illusory or the absence of thought.

Regrettably, many conflate separate notions, reacting to difficult situations by asserting, "With Hashem's help, it'll be fine; everything's from heaven." This assertion isn't debatable—no one disputes that all comes from above. Yet, the heavenly message urging an action is also divine, and ignoring it is ignoring the divine will.

When someone keeps saying "it'll be fine" and "everything's from heaven," they miss the message aimed at them. Instead of taking responsibility and making necessary corrections, they indulge in illusions, missing opportunities to change. The right path incorporates acknowledging "everything's from heaven," "everything's for the best," and "with Hashem's help, it'll be fine," along with the understanding that introspection and self-assessment are needed to identify what requires change and improvement.

There's Always Something to Do!

Positive thinking originates from the premise that in virtually every situation encountered in life, there's something one can do to improve it. Without action, the situation won't improve, naturally, but a positive attitude encourages action, supported by the belief that there's potential for enhancement.

Consider a young person submitting their resume, telling themselves, "I have no chance of getting the job. I'm young, inexperienced, lacking a background." Approaching an employer with this mindset will likely indeed lead to rejection...

Yet a positive thinker won't ignore or deny facts. Instead of convincing themselves that prior experience or a proven career history in their field bears no importance, they would focus on unique strengths and advantages because of their specific circumstances.

For example, they might acknowledge their youth and limited experience but also recognize how their youth lends vigor. The absence of family financial burdens may allow contentment with lower initial pay, and their availability and willingness to accept direction from superiors can stand out.

Positive thinking doesn't mean ignoring their youth's challenges but searching for the strengths existing alongside these challenges. Approaching a job interview acknowledging their unique advantages heightens their chances significantly.

Conversely, an older individual may lament their lower hireability due to age, higher salary needs, and similar concerns. If they adopt positive thinking, they'll recognize while their age presents challenges, it also offers strengths: extensive experience, cautiousness, etc.

Avoid Extremes

Individuals with negative thinking frequently use extreme language like "no chance," "never," and "can't." They'll say, "I can't lose weight because I failed again and ate that cake," or "No one at home ever thinks of me," or "You can't change once you're older!"

This isn't just semantics. Language deeply impacts our thinking beyond the word's surface. Speaking in absolute extremes makes changes seem impossible, and the certainty these words convey leads the brain to accept change as unattainable.

Thus, to uproot negative thinking and embrace positivity, we must first change our language with others and ourselves. Avoid extreme expressions and use balanced, accurate language reflecting reality. For example, "I ate cake, so I didn't meet today's diet goals," or "It's harder to change when one is older."

Balanced expressions prevent adopting sweeping negative thought patterns and support positive thinking by recognizing potential for change in various situations. If today I failed in my diet, I can succeed tomorrow. If it's hard to change when older, it's still possible.

The more balanced and less extreme our language regarding our perception of reality, the more we can adopt positive thinking that leads to change and better outcomes. If instead of telling ourselves we've "failed," we learn to say we "need improvement"; if we refer to "discomfort" instead of "hurt" and recognize that "every delay is for the best," our thinking will strengthen positively, allowing better management of situations and advancement toward personal growth.

We'll also notice negative thinking encourages viewing reality in stark contrasts of black and white, like a parent experiencing educational disappointment thinking, "I'm not succeeding with my children's education." However, examining the situation objectively might often reveal that extreme negative thinking doesn't mirror reality accurately.

Furthermore, someone might think, "If I haven't succeeded with my children so far, there's no chance for future success." But a positive thinker will break this connection and doubt the unverified equation. Even if success hasn't been achieved in the past, it doesn't condemn future efforts. The positive thinker seeks untried tools for changing the current situation.

Hence, taking the first steps toward cultivating positive thinking involves challenging three entrenched extreme thoughts every night before bed. Question these assumptions, evaluate objectively, and check if they indeed must hold true. As we gradually train ourselves to view reality with hope, believing in the potential for change, we uncover paths to overcome difficulties and succeed in life situations.