Waiting for Children? Rabbi Kanievsky’s Guidance

In the book Kol Mishalosecha, one of Rabbi Chaim Kanievsky’s students shares a moving exchange. He approached the rabbi after being invited to speak at a conference for an organization that supports families waiting for children.

“What should I say to families who are struggling?” he asked.

Rabbi Kanievsky zt"l responded with words of deep encouragement and faith:

“First, tell them that prayers are not lost. No prayer is ever lost. If it does not help now, it will help later. And if not for him, then for others. And if it did not help for this, it will help for something else.”

He added an important point about blessings:

“A blessing is effective if the person receiving the blessing believes that it will help.”

He also noted a practical guideline, saying that a woman should not walk within four amot (about two meters) of a grave in a cemetery.

Strengthening Mitzvot and Observing Shabbat

The student then asked which mitzvah couples should strengthen in order to merit zera shel kayama, the blessing of having children.

Rabbi Kanievsky opened the Mishnah Berurah and pointed to the words of the Chafetz Chaim, who teaches that by enhancing one’s observance of Shabbat, one merits sons who grow to become great in Israel. Rabbi Kanievsky added that strengthening Shabbat observance is also considered a segulah for having children.

Praying for Both Spouses

Rabbi Kanievsky was also asked whether, when praying for a couple, one should mention both spouses by name.

He explained:

“It may be that the woman has merit but the husband does not, and thus he is the one holding things back. And it could be the reverse. Therefore, pray for both of them.”

Visiting Shunem as a Segulah

Another question raised was whether it is appropriate to travel to the village of Shunem to pray at the site associated with the Shunammite woman.

Rabbi Kanievsky responded that in the book Kaftor Vaferach, there are indications that the miracle involving the Shunammite woman took place in the area of present day Shunem. He shared that when he told this to his father, the Steipler, his father replied that if this is indeed the place, then since a righteous person prayed there regarding children, it can serve as a segulah to pray there for zera shel kayama, even though the original house no longer exists.

Rabbi Kanievsky added:

“We went there with ten people who did not have children, and all of them were blessed with children.”

At the same time, he clarified:

“I heard of those for whom it helped, but it did not help everyone.”

He also emphasized that visiting the site is permitted if there are no security concerns.

Practical Questions About Prayer

When asked who should go to such a place, husbands or wives, Rabbi Kanievsky answered that it makes no difference.

Regarding what to say when praying there, he recommended reciting Chapters 102 and 103 of Tehillim, which are considered effective for zera shel kayama.

Finally, when asked whether a minyan is required, he explained:

“A minyan is needed only if you want to say Kaddish. For prayer, there is no need for a minyan.”

A Message of Hope and Faith

Rabbi Kanievsky’s guidance offers both practical direction and deep reassurance. His message reminds couples that no prayer is ever wasted, that strengthening mitzvot has lasting impact, and that faith and persistence remain central in the journey toward blessing.