Love That Grows: Lessons from Parshat Chayei Sarah

“Years go by. Once we were young, and love filled our home. There was a deep sense of unity, of togetherness. But over time, something changed. The romance faded. Conversations became fewer. The attention we once gave each other slowly disappeared. And yet, deep down, we still long to bring that feeling back.”

So how do we preserve that love we once felt—and even deepen it?

What the Torah Teaches About Love

In Parshat Chayei Sarah, the Torah describes the marriage of Isaac and Rebecca.

Abraham sends his servant to find a wife for his son, someone with a kind and generous heart. The servant searches for a woman who naturally gives, who helps even a stranger with joy and compassion.

The mission succeeds. Rebecca is chosen, a woman filled with kindness and sensitivity, worthy of joining the home of Abraham.

The Torah then describes their marriage with a striking phrase: “And he took Rebecca, and she became his wife, and he loved her” (Genesis 24:67).

First comes the marriage, and only afterward comes love.

There is no mention of love before the wedding. No love at first sight. So how does love suddenly appear?

Love That Grows With Time

Rabbi Shimshon Rafael Hirsch explains that this is exactly the point.

Love is not meant to peak at the beginning. It is meant to grow.

In the Jewish view, marriage is not built on fleeting passion alone, but on thoughtful commitment. As a couple gets to know one another more deeply, love develops and strengthens.

The wedding is not the height of love. It is the root.

It is the moment where the bond is formed, but the real growth happens afterward.

The Difference Between Infatuation and Real Love

Sometimes it feels like love belongs only to the early years of marriage.

That may be true for excitement or infatuation. But real love, deeper love, is meant to increase over time.

As years pass, couples come to recognize each other’s strengths, support one another through challenges, and build a shared life together.

This creates a deeper sense of connection, belonging, and partnership.

And from that, love grows.

How to Strengthen Love in Daily Life

Love does not grow on its own. It requires care and attention.

Couples who want to strengthen their relationship need to actively give to one another in small, meaningful ways:

A kind word
A genuine question
A thoughtful gesture
A note or small surprise

These simple actions create warmth and connection.

Make Time for Your Relationship

It is not enough to hope that love will grow. We need to invest in it.

That means setting aside time to talk, to share, and to experience moments that belong only to the two of you.

This could be something as simple as a quiet dinner together, a walk, or a short outing. It does not need to be expensive or complicated.

What matters is the shared experience.

Almost every couple can do this, regardless of their responsibilities or financial situation. The key is the willingness to prioritize the relationship.

Why It Matters So Much

Prioritizing your relationship is not just good for the couple. It is a spiritual value.

Our Sages teach that when a husband and wife merit it, the Divine Presence dwells among them.

A strong, loving relationship also strengthens every other area of life, including raising children, health, and overall well-being.

That is why the relationship should not come last, after everything else is done. By then, there may be no time or energy left.

Instead, we need to give it the attention it deserves.

A Love That Lasts

When a couple consistently invests in their relationship, their bond deepens.

Love becomes stronger, more stable, and more meaningful.

And over time, what once felt like it was fading can become something even greater than it was at the beginning.

Based on the book T'ogether Through the Parshiyot' by Moshe Ilan, social worker and couples counselor.