How to Listen Without Ego: Lessons From Parashat Beshalach

Couples talk all the time. Some conversations are light and easy, while others are deeper but don’t always lead to clear agreement.

At times, both partners explain their position, yet no real understanding is reached. Each feels that logic and fairness are on their side and struggles to understand why the other refuses to accept what seems so obvious.

So how can we learn to truly value and give proper weight to what our spouses say?

Learning From the Battle With Amalek

At the end of Parashat Beshalach, the Torah describes Israel’s battle with Amalek. Moshe instructs Yehoshua, “Choose men for us and go out and fight Amalek” (Exodus 17:9).

From this, our Sages derive a powerful lesson about relationships. The Mishnah teaches: “Let the honor of your student be as dear to you as your own, the honor of your friend like the awe of your teacher, and the awe of your teacher like the awe of Heaven” (Pirkei Avot 4:12).

This teaching encourages us to elevate how we view others. We are asked to treat a student like a peer, a peer like a teacher, and a teacher with the highest level of respect.

But why should we give others more honor than their apparent role requires?

Why We Dismiss Others So Quickly

The commentary Tiferet Yisrael explains that people often dismiss opposing views not because of logic, but because of personal bias.

He identifies several reasons for this tendency.

First, when the person disagreeing with us seems less knowledgeable or of lower status, we may reject their opinion automatically, even if it has merit.

Second, when the other person is our equal, and both arguments seem reasonable, we still feel the need to prove we are right. We may think, “Why should they be right and not me?”

In both cases, the issue is not the argument itself, but our internal need to protect our ego and sense of importance.

The Key to Real Listening

Tiferet Yisrael offers a powerful solution. To overcome our natural bias, we should consciously elevate how we view the other person.

See your student as an equal. See your equal as a teacher. See your teacher as someone even greater.

When we choose to give the other person more importance, we naturally begin to give more weight to their words. This allows us to listen more objectively and with greater openness.

Bringing It Into Marriage

This idea applies directly to marriage.

We need to pause and ask ourselves honestly: Why does it feel so clear that I am right and my spouse is wrong?

Sometimes, the feeling that our spouse “doesn’t understand” has less to do with what they are saying and more to do with our need to be right.

It is not easy to consider that we might be wrong, or only partially right. But this humility is essential for real connection.

One helpful exercise is to imagine hearing the same words from someone you deeply respect, such as a rabbi or mentor. Would you dismiss those words so quickly, or would you consider them more seriously?

Most likely, you would listen more carefully.

A Path to Stronger Shalom Bayit

When we choose to give our spouse greater importance, their words begin to carry more weight. This leads to deeper understanding, mutual respect, and more meaningful conversations.

When each partner feels heard and valued, it naturally strengthens the relationship.

Treating your spouse’s words with respect creates a cycle of respect in return. This is a powerful foundation for Shalom Bayit and for a more peaceful and fulfilling life.