Why Young Children Hit and How Parents Should Respond

Our son is five years old, and his teacher says he hits other children very aggressively. We punish him and get very angry with him. The atmosphere at home has become unpleasant. His older sister never hit anyone in preschool, but sometimes she hits him when he bothers her while she is with friends. What can we do?

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I cannot know exactly why this specific child behaves this way, but I will respond based on what has been described.

It is important to understand that when children hit, it is usually for one of two reasons. Either they do not feel good in the environment they are in, at preschool or at home, and they try to show strength in order to feel equal and powerful. Or they come from an environment where aggression has been present and modeled for them.

What the Child Is Experiencing

In this case, it seems the child is exposed to aggression both at preschool and at home. You describe frequent anger and punishment. I hope this does not include physical punishment, but even harsh reactions and excessive anger can feel like aggression to a child. His sister also hits him at times, and he passes this behavior on. This is what he has learned, and this is how he expresses himself.

In addition, comparing a child to a sibling, such as saying the older sister never hit, can create strong feelings of jealousy and push the child even further.

What He Needs Instead

A child who hits needs a great deal of affection, but not at the moment of hitting. Hitting should not be rewarded with a hug. However, when a child receives warmth and connection beforehand, it can prevent those later outbursts.

A child who feels embraced and emotionally secure does not want to lose that connection. The more he feels loved and valued, the less he will need to express himself through aggression.