The Power of Words: Teaching Children Respectful Speech

In the portion of Mishpatim, we find a severe warning about someone who, God forbid, curses their parents, with a very serious consequence: “One who curses his father or mother shall surely be put to death.” From here we can begin to understand how grave harmful, degrading, and disrespectful speech truly is — especially toward those we are obligated to honor, such as our parents, who brought us into this world and invest so much in raising us.

What is so severe about a curse? After all, it is “just words,” isn’t it?

One of the most rapidly growing phenomena in society today is the decline in the quality of language and communication between students and teachers, and between children and their parents. It is painful to see how, day by day, we are exposed to more offensive, sarcastic, degrading, and destructive language in schools, in families, and in society at large. This trend is alarming. If we do not address it, it will only worsen, with serious consequences for children, parents, and the education system as a whole.

In the past, the concept of “insolence” was limited to certain groups. Today, it has spread across all parts of society.

From a young age, we hear children using disrespectful language. Many children possess a wide “vocabulary” of negative expressions, and as they grow older, the situation often becomes more severe. Conversations can include harsh verbal aggression, insults, and curses directed at parents, siblings, friends, and even educators. Unfortunately, many adults were also raised in such environments and may themselves speak harshly to their children or to educational staff.

Unfortunately, even educators sometimes fail in this area, speaking disrespectfully to students or parents. Not to mention gossip and negative speech that spreads in both social and educational settings. This is deeply harmful as it creates division, resentment, and conflict between teachers and students, parents and children, and among colleagues. While such behavior may stem from frustration or real challenges, it is not the way to educate.

Our sages foresaw this reality, teaching that in future times, “insolence will increase.” But even so, we must not accept this situation or ignore it. We must work to improve and repair it, and this is within our power. The way people speak in educational environments has a profound impact on shaping character — both of educators and of students.

How Did We Get Here?

Our sages revealed an important principle: if you see a child speaking with disrespect or arrogance, it is often because they heard it at home or in their environment. In addition, children are exposed to media that influences their language.

Another factor is the lack of consistent investment in teaching positive language and values. Most importantly, there is often a lack of personal example. Let’s be realistic — children hear and observe us constantly. If we allow ourselves careless speech, even occasionally, its impact on them is far greater than we realize. Too often, values education is treated superficially, like another dull subject, rather than something alive and meaningful.

What Can We Do?

First and foremost, personal example. It is impossible to teach a child to speak respectfully if they hear their parent speaking harshly, gossiping, or using offensive language. Parents, teachers, and educators serve as role models around the clock. If we do not improve our own speech — even in private, we cannot expect children to behave differently.

Children imitate what they see and hear. Therefore, when speaking to children, students, or colleagues, we must use respectful and calm language, even in moments of disagreement or stress. It is acceptable to feel anger, but not to express it through harmful or degrading words.

For example, if a student insults another in class, and the teacher responds by saying, “You are so rude, how dare you speak like that?”, this mirrors the same behavior, and is therefore not effective. Instead, a good educator takes a breath and responds respectfully, even when the student does not. That is true role modeling, and over time, the message will be internalized.

Similarly, when parents speak disrespectfully to each other at home, they are effectively placing those words into their children’s mouths. A parent telling a child “you are bad” is not educational, but damaging.

Creating Change in Education and at Home

From an early age, we must invest in teaching values, with a strong emphasis on respectful communication. It is essential to learn and teach about the prohibition of harmful speech and gossip. Speaking negatively about others causes deep and lasting harm.

Even in professional discussions about a student, it is important to speak truthfully but carefully, without exaggeration or degrading language. Describing a student’s challenges is legitimate; humiliating them is not.

At home, we must teach children how to express frustration, anger, or sadness in ways that respect others. Encourage them to ask for help or explain what is bothering them, and reinforce positive language by noticing and praising it. Talk about values such as respect, empathy, and patience, and explain why they matter.

Engage in activities that model respectful communication, by reading books, playing games, and discussing what can be learned. Help children understand how words affect others, using real-life examples.

Above all, be patient and consistent. Teaching respectful speech is an ongoing process. Consistency, calm reminders, and positive reinforcement will gradually create a home environment where everyone feels respected, leading to healthier communication and stronger relationships.