Losing a Parent: A Father’s Powerful Letter to His Children

Rabbi Shlomo Wolbe, in his powerful work Alei Shur, shares a rare and deeply moving letter written by a student of Rabbi Yerucham of Mir zt"l.

This letter offers a uniquely Jewish perspective on life, loss, and the eternal connection between body and soul. It is written from a father to his children, with the hope that they will read it many years later.

Preparing for a Difficult Reality

“My dear and beloved sons and daughters,

I am writing you this letter with the hope that you will read it only many years from now. But the day will come when I will no longer be here, and you will feel my absence.

I have seen many orphans. For most of them, the world grows dark. They feel alone, confused, and without direction. Some become filled with pain, while others struggle to find their footing.

I realized something important. Before we can comfort someone who has lost a parent, we must first teach them how to carry that loss.”

The Foundation of Faith

The father explains that the key to understanding both life and death is faith.

Everything in the world is sustained by a Divine life force. Every person is more than a physical body. The true essence of a human being is the soul.

If life were only physical, there would be no comfort in loss. But that is not the Jewish understanding.

The body may pass, but the person continues to live.

Death Is Not an End

Rabbi Yerucham of Mir taught that death is not disappearance, but transition.

It is like moving from one place to another.

A loved one is not gone. Rather, they are still present, in a different way, even closer than before, no longer limited by the physical barriers of this world.

Faith allows a person to hold onto this truth, even in moments of deep pain.

Holding On Through Memory and Connection

Even with this understanding, the pain of loss remains.

A child is used to seeing their father, hearing his voice, receiving guidance and support. That absence cannot be easily replaced.

But the father offers a powerful idea.

If the relationship was deep and genuine, then the child can still “see” the father. They can imagine what he would say, what advice he would give, and draw strength from that connection.

Just as Joseph found strength by picturing his father, so too can a child carry their parent’s presence within them.

Turning Toward Hashem

The father then shares a personal insight from his own experience of loss.

When a person loses their parents, something awakens within them. There is a natural pull toward mitzvot, prayer, and spiritual growth.

Why?

Because every person has three partners in their creation: their father, their mother, and Hashem.

When the physical parents are no longer present, the heart begins to recognize the third partner more clearly.

A person turns to Hashem with deeper trust and connection.

“For my father and my mother have left me, but Hashem gathers me in.”

A Deeper Understanding of Comfort

Comfort does not come from forgetting.

It comes from rebuilding.

A person is supported by their environment, by the people around them who help them grow and remain strong. When someone important is lost, that support is missing.

True comfort comes when a person finds new strength, new support, and continues to grow.

The Torah describes how Yitzchak was comforted after the loss of his mother when Rivkah entered his life and brought renewed blessing into his home.

A Call to Strength and Unity

The father leaves his children with a final message.

Support one another. Strengthen each other.

Choose friends who are committed to faith and Torah. Surround yourselves with people who uplift you.

Push away despair and hold tightly to emunah.

Know with certainty that Hashem continues to guide, support, and provide everything you need.

A Lasting Message

“Believe and be strong,” the father writes.

When a person lives with faith, even in the face of loss, light continues to grow in their life.

And through the choices they make, through the lives they build, they carry forward the legacy of those who came before them.

With love,

Your father.