Children or Money? The Parenting Choice That Shapes Everything

At times, a parent may feel weighed down and exhausted by the responsibility of raising children. A quiet voice may whisper: “Why invest so much effort in learning how to educate properly? Why work so hard for your children? You have your own life — go enjoy it.”

This mindset stands in stark contrast to previous generations, where parents felt that their entire lives revolved around their children. As a result, they experienced deep satisfaction later in life, even without the material abundance many children receive today. Their children grew up emotionally balanced, confident, and joyful, because they always knew they were their parents’ top priority.

Heaven, too, assists those who invest in their children’s education, ensuring that their efforts are rewarded measure for measure.

The Lesson from Yaakov and Yosef

The Torah tells us: “And Yaakov lived in the land of Egypt seventeen years” (Bereishit 47:28). At first glance, this detail seems unnecessary — after all, we can calculate his years. But the Torah is hinting at something deeper.

Elsewhere it states: “Yosef was seventeen years old…” (Bereishit 37:2), referring to the age at which Yosef was separated from his father.

The connection teaches a powerful principle: every effort a parent invests in a child is accounted for. The seventeen years Yaakov spent raising and educating Yosef were repaid later, when Yosef rose to power and provided his father with years of peace and dignity.

Yaakov experienced thirty-four years of true vitality — seventeen years of giving, and seventeen years of receiving. This is hinted at in the word “Vayechi” (“and he lived”), whose numerical value is thirty-four — symbolizing not just life, but meaningful, fulfilled life.

Investing in Children vs. Chasing Wealth

From here, we learn a critical lesson: a parent must invest in their children, by teaching them, guiding them, and nurturing their character, even when life is busy or financially strained.

In reality, some parents become so absorbed in the pursuit of wealth that they unintentionally neglect their children’s development. Children may grow up without guidance, shaped more by peers or media than by their parents.

A powerful symbolic reminder appears in the mitzvah of Pidyon HaBen. The father is asked whether he prefers his child or the money required to redeem him. On the surface, the answer is obvious— but the question is intended to echo throughout life: will this priority remain true over time?

The Danger of Reversed Priorities

The Midrash criticizes those who reverse priorities, by placing possessions before people. On the verse “The heart of the wise is to his right, and the heart of the fool to his left” (Kohelet 10:2), the Midrash (Tanchuma, Matot 7) explains that the tribes of Reuven and Gad prioritized their livestock before their children.

They said: “We will build enclosures for our livestock here, and cities for our children” (Bamidbar 32:16).

Moshe corrected them: first build for your children, then for your possessions.

When wealth becomes more important than children, both are ultimately lost. One may fail to find fulfillment in their children, and even the wealth they pursued may not bring blessing. As it is written: “An inheritance gained hastily at the beginning will not be blessed in the end” (Mishlei 20:21).

By contrast: “Those who sow in tears will reap with joy” (Tehillim 126:5). The effort invested in raising children ultimately returns as deep, lasting joy.

Moshe’s Call for All Generations

When Moshe and Aaron stood before Pharaoh, he asked: “Who will go?” (Shemot 10:8).

Moshe answered: “With our young and with our old, with our sons and our daughters — we will go” (Shemot 10:9).

Notably, Moshe mentioned the young before the elders. He understood that Pharaoh’s intention was to allow only the adults to go. Moshe therefore made it clear, that the foundation of faith and identity begins with the young.

Pharaoh rejected this, insisting only the men should go, but Moshe’s declaration became an eternal principle: When it comes to education, the young come first.

Parenting is not a side project — it is the central mission. It requires time, energy, and sacrifice, but it is the investment that yields the greatest return.

When priorities are aligned by placing children before possessions, and connection before comfort, the result is not only stronger children, but a life filled with meaning, blessing, and lasting fulfillment.