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Parenting

You Don’t Buy Kids in the Bakery

They’re not finished products ready to produce nachas, satisfaction you need patience and alot of self-control to help them grow step by step.

Illustration,Father and Son Shutterstock
Before walking out the door of their family therapist Dina says to her husband Moshe: “it looks like we weren’t successful with any of our kids…

The therapist’s ears perk up, “why do you say that” he asks. Dina answers “one son Isaac needs a psychological test battery it seems we don’t know what’s going on with him…little Rebecca needs art therapy, she must be too uptight in class especially before tests. Our Yossi needs a clinical communications therapist so he can communicate with his teacher and we didn’t even mention Shlomo who is on Ritalin who you advised to give emotional therapy to help build up his confidence.”

The therapist responded, “You wanted ‘ready-made’ children. The truth is I meet many parents of the type who seek not to do anything with their children; just let them grow and provide ‘nachas’ satisfaction! But I’d like to tell you there are parents of children who are complete, whole… you must remember ‘family b’ who son was so complete he is no longer with us… a pure soul who only gave nachas until… But you should know man was born to toil and it’s no mistake that children are not complete and need our help. We are their parents just for that; to help them!”

We all would like that our sons should be wise understanding, G-d fearing, and to be of those who light up the world with their good deeds. But you don’t buy kids in the bakery; they are not a finished product! And no one said it’s easy. Sometimes the beginning is difficult but with a lot of patience you can merit that your son will flourish. It doesn’t happen in one day and not in one year either. Step by step you inch forward with patience and sometimes a lot of self-control. This is the formula to follow if you want to end up with stable educated well behaved children. But to get there the first step is to seek advice mainly when you see some behavior you aren’t familiar with.

It should be mentioned that there are parents who change therapists like they change socks! Any time they heard a lecture from someone they pick out the words that are “easy for them”. But picking a therapist is a process you must invest a lot of thought in. You have to know if he knows and can understand the background your family comes from. Is he educated and have proven experience? The one who has experience and led children to success is the one you are looking for. He with G-d’s help will guide you to what must be done. It must be emphasized that the therapist knows your (religious) lifestyle and can give you advice relevant to your daily lives.

Along with that we must work on our own self-esteem and always remember:  If G-d gave us these children that means we are able to raise them and probably received the tools to do so. We can help and we know what is good or bad for them better than anyone else! We should never lose our self-confidence as parents! We must believe in our ability to be parents that influence and we must feel confident of our decisions. But when we need help, especially during a setback we should seek an educator or educational therapist who understands who can provide you with advice and solutions for your children’s proper development into fine adults.