Is There Anyone Left: Coping With Dating Disappointment

Hodaya sat on the bus, watching the quiet streets of Jerusalem pass by. The city was calm, wrapped in the softness of night.

When Nothing Feels Right

A young man crossed the street nearby, holding a shopping bag. He looked like someone she might actually want to meet.

“A cute guy,” said Chani, sitting beside her, as if reading her thoughts. “But with a shopping bag like that, he’s probably heading home to his wife.”

Hodaya sighed softly.

Not that she really had a chance of meeting him. Still, it was nice, just for a moment, to imagine meeting someone she actually wanted.

Because somehow, the guys she did meet never felt right.

Maybe she was exaggerating. Not all of them were strange. But it certainly felt like she had met more than her fair share of awkward, mismatched, or simply not suitable options.

Maybe I’m the problem, she thought. Maybe I’m the one who’s different. Maybe there’s something about me that makes these kinds of matches show up.

And even the more normal ones just did not feel right. Not in the way she was hoping for. She wanted someone who took his spiritual life seriously, who set aside time for learning, who kept halacha, and who would also treat her with kindness and respect. It did not feel like too much to ask.

She sighed again.

Chani turned to her. “Is everything okay? You’re so quiet.”

“Tell me honestly, Chani… am I weird?”

Chani raised an eyebrow. “Where is that coming from?”

She leaned in playfully, examining Hodaya as if she were a mystery to solve. She lifted a strand of her hair, tapped her forehead lightly, and smiled.

“Well, you like eating artichokes. That’s a little questionable. And your nail polish never matches your socks. Ever. That needs work. But other than that, I officially declare you completely normal. So what’s going on?”

Hodaya smiled faintly.

“Do you remember that guy who just walked by?”

Chani laughed. “You’re still thinking about him? Impressive. Should I try to track him down for you? I’m warning you, the chances are not great.”

“Thanks,” Hodaya said softly.

“But what does that have to do with you being weird?”

“It just feels like most of the guys I meet are… off.”

Chani shrugged. “That might just be part of the process.”

Why Does It Keep Happening to Me

“But why is it always me meeting them?” Hodaya asked. “I know normal guys. In real life, I meet normal, kind people. But they’re not relevant. They’re not in the same place as me.”

She paused, then added quietly, “Do you remember Miri’s wedding? My mom said something there that stuck with me. She said, ‘All the good ones marry young.’ At the time, I laughed. But now… I keep hearing it in my head.”

Her voice softened.

“I’m tired, Chani. Tired of trying, of hoping, of not knowing if it will ever happen. Is there even someone out there who is normal, kind, and right for me?”

Chani did not answer right away. She just sat beside her.

Many people go through moments like this. Moments where it feels like nothing is working, where hope feels distant, and the future seems unclear.

You invest so much of yourself. Your time, your energy, your emotions, your hope. And sometimes, despite all of that, things do not move forward the way you expected.

It is natural to feel discouraged. It is human to feel tired.

So what do we do in those moments?

The answer is not the same for everyone.

Giving Yourself Space to Feel

For some, it helps to simply allow the feeling. To admit that it is hard. To cry if needed. To lean on close friends, to talk, to be comforted.

There is strength in allowing yourself to feel without rushing to fix everything.

Choosing to See the Good

Others choose a different path. Even if things are not yet where they want them to be, they decide not to let this period be defined by frustration.

They look for the good that exists right now. They choose to build a life filled with meaning, even while waiting.

Strength Through Faith

Some find comfort in faith. In the belief that nothing is random, that everything unfolds with purpose, and that what is meant to come will come at the right time.

This perspective can bring a sense of calm and trust, even in uncertain moments.

Falling and Rising Again

And some allow themselves to fall a little, knowing they will rise again stronger.

Not every moment needs to be strong. Sometimes, growth happens דווקא in the quieter, more vulnerable spaces.

What Do You Need Right Now

The most important question is not what works for others, but what works for you.

What gives you strength? What helps you breathe a little easier? What feels true for your soul in this moment?

There is a way to serve Hashem in times of clarity and strength, and there is also a way to serve Him in times of struggle.

In harder moments, the work is softer. Slower. It is about taking care of yourself, supporting yourself, and allowing yourself to move forward gently.

And even that, quietly and steadily, is a form of building.