How to Handle Confusion and Frustration in Parenting and Education

“And Pharaoh said regarding the Children of Israel: They are confused in the land; the wilderness has closed in upon them.”

This Shabbat we read Parashat Beshalach, known as Shabbat Shirah, which recounts the splitting of the Red Sea and the Song at the Sea. One of the most striking questions in this story is how Pharaoh, after enduring an entire year of ten devastating plagues, still had the audacity to pursue the Children of Israel into the wilderness, ultimately leading his nation to destruction.

The Torah reveals the inner logic behind Pharaoh’s thinking: “They are confused in the land; the wilderness has closed in upon them.” Pharaoh believed that the Israelites were trapped, disoriented, and without a way forward, and therefore decided to chase after them.

Because we are engaged in the sacred work of education, this image speaks powerfully to the confusion that often surrounds education both at home and in school. All of us can testify that there are many moments of frustration, uncertainty, and emotional paralysis that parents and educational staff experience when guiding children or students. In such moments, we often act from instinct and emotion rather than taking the right steps, because we feel alone and without someone to consult.

Many parents, teachers, and educational partners find themselves standing at a crossroads, completely stuck when dealing with a child or student. At times, this feeling of helplessness becomes wrapped in a sense of despair. It is painful, exhausting, and deeply frustrating.

Where Confusion and Frustration Take Hold in Education

Confusion and frustration in education often stem from misunderstanding, poor communication, and expectations that are either unclear or unrealistically high.

When a child or student displays challenging behavior — whether related to learning difficulties, classroom conduct, or communication with others, parents and teachers may begin to feel that they are failing, or that they simply do not know how to help. This feeling becomes even more intense when support systems are lacking or resources are limited.

Sometimes, you — the person doing everything possible for the child, know very well what is needed, but the others involved in the educational process may not share the same sense of mission, urgency, or clarity. This is often where the real problem begins. Everything becomes stuck, and it feels as though there is no one to speak with.

The sense that there is no solution frequently leads to disappointment, guilt, and emotional exhaustion. Parents and teachers may feel trapped in a cycle of repeated failed attempts, while the child remains in the same place without meaningful progress.

Such stagnation can be extremely distressing as it creates emotional strain, damages communication, and may even worsen problematic behaviors.

Very often, this confusion and concern arise from a lack of knowledge, a lack of clarity regarding the root cause of the child’s behavior, and an overwhelming sense of losing control. At times, the frustration comes from the feeling that one cannot influence the child in the way one had hoped.

This becomes even harder when social stigma enters the picture. Sometimes pressure builds around the child or student, causing parents and teachers to feel judged, as though they are personally responsible for the problem. This makes honest communication more difficult and can deepen the fracture in the relationship.

When it feels as though the situation has “closed in” and there is no way forward, a profound sense of paralysis sets in. This stagnation can slow down all progress and lead to negative consequences such as declining motivation, intensified negative behaviors, and damage to the self-confidence of everyone involved.

What Do We Do When Confusion Sets In?

Let us be practical and offer tools for breaking the cycle of confusion and stagnation.

First, approach the child with patience and understanding. It is important to remember that every child is unique, and their challenges are not signs of failure, but part of their developmental journey. Patience and genuine listening make it possible to understand the child more deeply and uncover what truly lies behind the behavior.

Second, strengthen cooperation between parents and teachers. Developing a shared language and openly exchanging information creates a reliable foundation of support for the child. When parents and teachers work as a unified team, more coordinated and effective strategies can emerge.

Third, seek professional support when needed. In many situations, it is highly valuable to receive guidance from professionals such as psychologists, educational counselors, occupational therapists, or other specialists.

Fourth, focus on strengths and abilities. Instead of concentrating only on the difficulties, it is essential to identify and strengthen the child’s positive qualities and talents. This builds confidence and opens the door to positive change.

Fifth, adapt the environment and the tools being used. Sometimes a change in the learning environment or teaching methods can make a significant difference. Educational adjustments, assistive technologies, or alternative frameworks may provide exactly what the child needs.

Sixth, create a supportive emotional environment. The foundation of successful growth is an environment in which the child feels accepted and understood, and where parents and teachers feel safe enough to share their own struggles without fear of judgment.

And perhaps most importantly, understand that you are not Superman. Do what is within your ability. When you reach a solid wall, do not try to break it with your head. Instead, approach it with wisdom, creativity, and out-of-the-box thinking.

Confusion in education is like walking through a maze garden — filled with misleading and confusing paths. Yet with wisdom and patience, it is entirely possible to find the way out and emerge into clarity and success.

Dealing with challenging students and children is a sensitive and complex process that requires patience, cooperation, and openness to professional support from everyone involved. Even when it seems that the road is blocked, there is always the possibility of finding a small opening for change and improvement.

It is important to remember that the child is not the obstacle. The child is the challenge that calls upon us to discover alternatives, creativity, and deeper understanding. With the right support and the willingness to learn and adapt our approach, moments of stagnation can become opportunities for shared growth.

Above all, we must be careful not to fall into the terrible trap of taking things personally, as Pharaoh did. His personal need for revenge led him to pursue the Children of Israel and brought destruction upon an entire nation.

In education, personal ego and emotional reactions can be equally destructive. Growth becomes possible only when we work together with wisdom, humility, and partnership.