Trusting Your Instinct: The Parenting Wisdom Already Within You

As a therapist and parent guide with open eyes, I have the privilege of observing patterns that many of us share in parenting. For a long time, I have felt that we have lost much of our sense of capability as mothers, along with the confidence in the simple wisdom and understanding that already exists within us.

In an age overflowing with endless “methods,” “approaches,” teachers, and courses, many of us have lost the natural confidence to teach, guide, and raise our children. Instead of seeing ourselves as the primary influence in their lives, we sometimes begin to look outward for every answer.

This has only intensified because of the enormous load many mothers carry, especially those balancing both work and parenting. At the same time, certain educational approaches that place “the child at the center” have, in some cases, weakened our natural and authoritative place as the leading and stabilizing figures in the home.

Many of us rush from course to course, lecture to lecture, placing our children into yet another therapy, mentoring framework, or activity, while leaning more and more on external solutions instead of pausing to listen inward.

Trusting the Strength Already Within You

Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneerson often strengthened and empowered women and mothers. In one of his talks to women, he explained that every woman is the best “therapist” for her own children.

He taught that mothers are given unique qualities for this sacred role, which are already planted within them. These include sensitivity, the ability to listen, attention to detail, a special form of understanding, and even, in his words, the ability to “give bitter medicine,” meaning the wisdom to convey difficult but necessary messages with care.

This is a powerful reminder that much of what our children need already exists within us.

Perhaps it is time to return inward — to the strengths and abilities that are already ours. To rediscover our capacity to support and accompany our children through their growth and development with confidence, presence, and trust.

Slowing Down to Truly Listen

The first thing we need in order to do this is, very simply, to stop the endless doing.

Our generation often moves at a relentless pace, one that can be dizzying. This speed rarely leaves enough quiet to truly listen to ourselves, let alone to another person with deep attention.

The first practical recommendation I give every mother, especially in times filled with stress and constant events, is to create dedicated time with each child individually.

Even if it is only once every few weeks, and ideally more often, spend a little time alone with each child.

See them, hear them, talk with them, and enjoy being with them. Yes, just with them. There is something that becomes possible in this exclusivity that cannot happen in any other setting.

Especially during difficult periods, it is important to gently ask questions such as: How are you feeling? How did you experience what happened? What did you feel? What was difficult for you? What helped you?

Ask gently, and truly listen. And then share something of yourself in return. The conversation itself is deeply healing. It eases the child’s emotional burden and gives them the experience that someone else is carrying part of it with them — someone who cares, listens, and is truly interested.

Building Connection Through Presence

From this place of quiet and listening, you may begin to notice what strengthening responses arise naturally within you to say to your child. Trust yourself, and trust God to place the right words in your mouth.

For women of faith, trust in God and belief in the unique strength given to the Jewish people can also provide a framework through which to help children understand reality. At the same time, it is important to think together with the child about practical solutions, ideas, and ways to cope.

You may be surprised to discover, if you stay consistent with these moments, what beautiful things begin to emerge. You may also find how much your children begin to wait for these times together. Over time, these conversations create a space of communication, connection, and belonging that becomes deeply important for the road ahead.

Of course, if concerns arise that feel beyond what you can hold alone, it is always wise to reach out to a qualified professional for support.

Adapted from the teachings of Galia Asherov, workshop facilitator, therapist and parent guide.