The Art of Giving: Why the Best Gift Is the One They Truly Need

“Tell me, what’s your secret?” an English beggar from London asks the beggar beside him, an undocumented immigrant from Afghanistan. “How do you make so much money?” “What did you write on your sign?” the Afghan asks. “I wrote that I have a wife and six children to support,” replies the Englishman. “Who doesn’t have a wife and children to support? Be original!” the foreign beggar scolds him, then points to his own sign: “I’m fifty pounds short of getting back home to Afghanistan.” 

The humor of the story carries a surprisingly deep lesson: people respond when they feel that something truly fits a real need. That same idea appears in one of the most moving scenes in the Torah.

A Blessing for Each Individual

The tribes gather around Yaakov their father and receive personal blessings. Yehuda is given the strength of a lion, Yissachar is compared to a donkey that bears the yoke of Torah, Asher is blessed with abundance and royal delicacies, and Yosef is blessed with grace in the eyes of all and protection from the evil eye. At the conclusion of these blessings, the Torah says: “All these are the twelve tribes of Israel… each man according to his blessing he blessed them.” 

The phrase “according to his blessing” requires explanation. After all, the Torah has already detailed the blessings that each son received. Why then repeat and summarize with the words: “each man according to his blessing he blessed them”? 

The answer is profound. The Torah is teaching that Yaakov did not simply offer beautiful words. Each blessing was precisely suited to the one receiving it. He blessed each son not according to what Yaakov himself valued most, but according to what was most fitting for that particular child.

The Gift That Truly Fits

Imagine three sons trying to comfort their elderly father after the passing of their mother. The eldest proudly says, “I bought Father the best gift possible. I built him a huge villa with a private beach, many rooms, and beautiful weather.” The middle son responds, “And have him sit between four walls all day? I bought him five luxury cars and prepaid every expense for fifty years.” Then they turn to the youngest son. Embarrassed, he lowers his eyes and says, “I don’t have the means that you do. I managed to find and send Father a rare Argentine coin I heard he had been searching for years ago.” “A coin?” the older brothers stare in disbelief. 

A month later, a letter arrives from their father: “To my beloved sons, thank you for your wonderful gifts. My eldest son, thank you for the villa, but I am too old to begin living in such a large house. I am staying where I am. My middle son, thank you for the fleet of luxury cars, but the car I already own fully meets my needs. My youngest son, thank you from the bottom of my heart for the rare coin. How did you know that this was exactly what I needed to complete my collection?” 

This story captures the heart of Yaakov’s blessing. The best gift is not necessarily the biggest, but the one that fills what is missing.

Giving Means Stepping Outside Yourself

Usually, when people bless others, the blessing reveals what they themselves value most. If someone always blesses others with wealth, wisdom, health, or success, it often reflects what they personally consider important. Yaakov was different. When he blessed one son with the swiftness of a deer and another with the force of a wolf, it was because he understood their inner nature and what each one uniquely needed. This is the meaning of the verse: “each man according to his blessing he blessed them.” The blessing was not generic. It was deeply personal. It was exactly what that person would have wished for himself.

This is one of life’s greatest lessons. When we want to give — whether a gift, a blessing, advice, or support, the true answer is to step outside ourselves. For a moment, set aside what we love, value, or want. Instead, ask: What would truly make the other person happy? What does this person actually need? What would help them in their specific situation? Yaakov teaches us the highest form of giving: to give according to the other person’s need, not our own preference. It does not need to be grand. Sometimes it can be something as small as a coin. But if it is exactly what the other person is missing, it becomes priceless. 

Those who have had the privilege of filling what someone else lacked know how deeply rewarding that experience can be. That is the true art of giving.