Real Change Happens One Small Step at a Time

In the gray cell of a prison sat, in utter boredom, a thief and a leper. Every few days, another piece of skin — or at times even another limb, would detach from the leper’s body, as his illness continued to weigh heavily upon him. He would throw the decaying pieces out the window so they would not rot inside the cell.

The thief watched him in bewilderment each time another piece was cast outside. After several weeks, he let out a deep, rough chuckle and said to the leper, “I figured it out — you’re being released little by little.”

The image is startling, yet it carries a powerful truth: sometimes freedom does not arrive all at once. Sometimes it comes slowly, piece by piece, step by step.

The holy Rabbi Yisrael Friedman of Ruzhin used to say that three expressions of strengthening appear in this week’s Torah portion and its haftarah. The first is when Yosef comes to visit his ill father, and the Torah says: “Israel strengthened himself.” The second is the well-known declaration at the conclusion of the Torah reading: “Be strong, be strong, and let us strengthen one another.” The third appears in the haftarah, when David says to his son Shlomo: “Strengthen yourself and be a man.”

At first glance, these seem like calls for dramatic spiritual transformation. Yet the Rebbe’s grandson, the holy Rebbe of Boyan, explained that the opposite is true.

Strengthening Begins with Small Movements

If we look closely at each of these verses, we discover that none of them speaks of a sweeping revolution. In every case, the strengthening is expressed through a small and very practical action.

When Yaakov was ill, the Torah first describes him lying in bed. Then, when Yosef arrives, it says: “Israel strengthened himself and sat up on the bed.” The strengthening was not some dramatic act. It was a small physical movement — from lying down to sitting up.

At the conclusion of the Torah reading, the congregation is generally seated. When the words “Be strong, be strong, and let us strengthen one another” are proclaimed, the worshippers rise to their feet. Again, the strengthening is marked by one simple step: from sitting to standing.

The same pattern appears in King David’s instruction to Shlomo: “Strengthen yourself and be a man.” And how does one become “a man”? The verse continues: “and walk in His ways.” From standing, take one further step, and move forward.

This is the Torah’s model of growth: not upheaval, not overnight transformation, but one step forward — from lying down to sitting, from sitting to standing, and from standing to walking.

Strengthening Is Personal

A beautiful story is told about the holy Rabbi Chaim Halberstam. It was customary in many Hasidic communities to eat a Shabbat morning dish made of chopped eggs and onions. The Divrei Chaim had the unusual custom of preparing this dish himself at the table, refusing to allow it to be prepared in the kitchen with the other Shabbat foods.

One Shabbat, the great Rabbi Yitzchak Aharon Ettinger was a guest in his home and asked him about this practice.

The Divrei Chaim gave different explanations depending on who asked. To a halachic scholar, he explained that there are many laws regarding chopping onions and eggs on Shabbat, and therefore he did not rely on others. To a more mystical-minded listener, he explained it through symbolism and numerical values. To a simple villager, he explained that onions lose their flavor if chopped too early, so it is best to prepare them as close to the meal as possible.

The lesson is profound: the strengthening each person needs is deeply individual. What inspires one person may not speak to another. Each person has their own area that requires support, growth, and encouragement.

Lasting Change Comes Slowly

Growth does not need to be grand, dramatic, or revolutionary. It only needs to be real. A single small act of progress, if it is genuine, can begin a lasting transformation.

As the Rebbe of Boyan emphasized, strengthening is not necessarily about turning one’s life upside down. It is about taking one small step that represents forward movement — from lying to sitting, from sitting to standing, from standing to taking a step.

This small strengthening, repeated over time, leads a person at the right pace and in the right direction. It allows us to slowly free ourselves from the difficult areas of our lives — not all at once, but gradually and permanently.

Sometimes the deepest freedom truly does come little by little.