Tu BiShvat and Parenting: Trusting Growth You Can’t Yet See

Tu BiShvat, the New Year for trees, carries with it beautiful and meaningful customs. On this day, many pray for a beautiful and kosher etrog for Sukkot. It is also customary to eat fruits — especially from the Seven Species.

And yet, there is something almost paradoxical about this day. 

Take a moment to look outside. In many places, the weather is still cold. Rain falls, winds blow, and sometimes even snow blankets the trees. The branches appear dry and lifeless. The tree looks bare — almost as if it has lost its vitality. There is little outward sign that anything will grow from it again.

Our sages teach that Tu BiShvat marks the moment when the sap begins to rise within the tree. Externally, everything appears dormant. The tree is stripped of leaves, quiet and still. But internally, something is stirring. Life is beginning to move again.

We cannot yet see it. The process is hidden. But within the tree lies a powerful potential that will only reveal itself weeks later, when the first signs of renewal appear.

The Power of Patience and Trust

Does the tree require constant human intervention for this growth to take place?

Not at all. Perhaps minimal care is needed, such as removing obstacles and ensuring the roots are not obstructed, but there is no need for intense labor. No need to force the process. Growth unfolds naturally, according to the laws embedded within the tree itself.

What is required is patience. The quiet confidence that, in time, the leaves will return.

This process — from hidden potential to visible growth, happens without interference. It is a natural unfolding, a steady and inevitable progression.

We simply allow time to do its work.

“Man Is Like the Tree of the Field”

Our sages teach, “For man is like the tree of the field.”

What does this comparison mean?

A tree, even when it stands tall and strong, sheds its leaves each year. It enters a season of apparent decline, when everything looks stripped away.

So too, a person — even your child, your grown child, even a parent themselves — can go through periods of “shedding.” Times of struggle, distraction, or emotional distance.

You may see your child overwhelmed, preoccupied, or not fully themselves. It can be unsettling. It can awaken deep concern and compassion within you. You may find yourself asking: What will become of them?

Naturally, you want to help. To guide, to offer advice, or perhaps even correction.

But here, we can learn from the tree.

Trusting the Inner Growth

Within the tree already lies the power to grow again. It does not need to be forced from the outside.

Beyond basic care of protecting it from harm, and ensuring its foundation remains intact, the essential requirement is patience and trust.

The same is true for your child.

You can continue offering the same steady support you always have. But alongside that, you must believe that within them already exists the potential for growth, for renewal, and for overcoming difficulty.

From their side, effort is required. From your side, what is needed most is patience, and faith in their inner strength.

Growth does not always happen where we can see it. But just like the tree in winter, beneath the surface, something meaningful may already be beginning.