Why One Safety Talk Isn’t Enough: The Parent’s Role in Protecting Children

“I don’t believe in lectures for parents. I don’t trust them to pass the message on properly to their children — I want you to run a safety workshop directly for the kids in the school.”

This is what a community leader told me when she approached me about organizing a safety program. I enjoy working with children and would gladly do so — but I still felt that something about this approach wasn’t right.

We all know how sensitive and uncomfortable the topic of child safety and abuse is, especially in religious communities. It’s the “elephant in the room.” People hesitate to talk about it, fear discussing it, worry about harming values of modesty, or feel that addressing it openly is excessive. For various reasons, the topic is often pushed aside, and it’s difficult to find people who can speak about it confidently.

The request to bring in an outside expert is therefore not unusual. Recently, I’ve received several similar requests from schools and community organizations. On the surface, it sounds like a positive and responsible step. So what’s the problem?

Why Children Stay Silent

Current statistics show that nearly half of children who experience harm (41%) only seek help or speak about it ten years later or more (Association of Rape Crisis Centers, 2021). One major reason is shame — not only about what happened, but about the fact that the topic itself is never discussed.

A child may feel different or confused: “Maybe it’s just me.” “Maybe I imagined it.”

Because they’ve never heard anyone talk openly about such issues, they don’t feel safe bringing it up. The silence itself becomes a barrier.

At the same time, we must preserve our values of modesty. This does not mean breaking all boundaries or speaking in ways that are inappropriate for children. But it does require finding a careful balance of protecting children from harm while also protecting them from exposure to unsuitable content.

Why External Workshops Aren’t Enough

If we want children to come to us immediately when something happens, the topic must be part of an ongoing, natural conversation — not a one-time lecture.

Teaching children about body boundaries and telling them to speak to a teacher or parent is important, but it is not sufficient. If the child senses that the topic itself is uncomfortable or “off-limits,” they are less likely to speak up.

When we, as adults, avoid the subject or feel embarrassed, that becomes the atmosphere in which the child grows. They may understand that it’s important, but also that it’s something people are ashamed to discuss.

Bringing in an external speaker can raise awareness, and it may help some children — especially the more confident ones. For many others however, the impact fades over time. A workshop given a year ago is easily forgotten. And we certainly don’t want our child to wait for that “nice lecturer” to ask whether something that happened to them was okay.

What Parents Really Want

We want that if, Heaven forbid, something happens, our child will come to us immediately. But how can that happen if we have never created an open, honest space to talk about such a sensitive topic?

Only parents can create that intimate, trusting environment.

Taking Responsibility

One step is to raise awareness within educational frameworks. Parents can express the need for safety education in schools. The more this is discussed, the more it will gradually become part of the system.

The more important step is to take personal responsibility. We cannot rely solely on teachers, lecturers, or workshops. As parents, we need to learn about the topic ourselves, attend workshops, confront our own discomfort, and work through our fears. Often, we discover that the “elephant in the room” is not as overwhelming as we imagined, and that it is possible to address the subject simply and appropriately, without compromising our values.

Finally, and most importantly, this should not be a one-time conversation. It needs to be revisited regularly. The goal is not only that children know the rules, but that the topic becomes part of an ongoing dialogue at home.

If we want to prevent our children from carrying painful secrets alone, we must create a home environment where they feel safe to speak about anything, even things that are difficult or uncomfortable.

That will only happen if we, as parents, approach the subject with courage, responsibility, and openness.