Before You Judge Others: A Torah Insight on Human Behavior

“New research shows that women use twice as many words each day as men,” a husband waved the newspaper provocatively in front of his wife. “Maybe you should stop talking so much?”

His wife didn’t remain silent. “That’s because we have to repeat everything we say to you twice.”

The embarrassed man froze and asked, confused: “What do you mean?”

When Suffering Changes Behavior

“And it came to pass in those many days that the king of Egypt died, and the Children of Israel groaned because of the labor…” (Shemot 2:23).

In the book Shevut Yehuda, Rabbi Yehuda Elbaz raises a question. Normally, when someone causes suffering to another person and then misfortune strikes the wrongdoer, the victim feels a certain sense of comfort. Even if the suffering has not yet ended, there is relief in knowing that the one who caused the pain is now suffering as well.

Yet the verse suggests the opposite. It connects the death of the king of Egypt with the increased groaning of the Israelites. Why would their suffering intensify at that moment?

A Simple Story with a Deep Truth

An angry baker once noticed that the butter he received from the dairy farmer seemed smaller than it should be. It was supposed to weigh 200 grams, but it looked suspiciously light.

He placed it on a scale, opposite a 200-gram weight. The butter clearly rose higher, confirming his suspicion. Confident he had been cheated, he decided to take the matter to court.

To strengthen his case, he weighed the butter over several days and recorded the results. Then he summoned the farmer before the local judge.

The farmer denied the accusation completely.

The judge asked the baker how he had measured the butter. The baker explained that he used his scale and a 200-gram weight.

The judge then turned to the farmer. The farmer replied: “Every morning I receive a loaf of bread from the baker. According to our agreement, the loaf weighs 200 grams. In return, I give him butter of the same weight. I measure the butter precisely according to the weight of the bread he gives me. If the butter is underweight, it is not because I cheated, but because his bread is lighter than it should be.”

The Psychology Behind It

The author of Shevut Yehuda explains a fundamental principle of human nature.

When a person is healthy, stable, and everything in life is going relatively well, it is easy for them to be kind, patient, and pleasant toward others. They can smile, empathize, and give generously of themselves.

However, when a person is suffering, physically, emotionally, or financially, their behavior often changes. Their mind and heart are preoccupied with their own pain. They may become impatient, distant, or harsh, not because they intend harm, but because they are overwhelmed.

This idea sheds light on the verse. The Sages explain that the “death” of the king of Egypt was not literal, but that he was afflicted with a severe illness.

His suffering did not bring relief to the Israelites. On the contrary, it made their situation worse. In his pain, he increased their burden and acted with even greater cruelty. That is why their groaning intensified. The king’s suffering did not lead to compassion. It led to harsher treatment.

Before We Judge Others

We often find ourselves thinking: “He looked at me strangely,” or “She is avoiding me for no reason.”

In many cases, these thoughts are simply imagination. But even when we are convinced that someone treated us unfairly, we need to pause.

Perhaps our own behavior contributed to their reaction. Perhaps there was a misunderstanding. Perhaps they are struggling with something we do not see.

Just as in the opening story, sometimes what seems like unnecessary repetition is actually an attempt to be understood.

A More Thoughtful Approach

The lesson is simple but not easy.

Before judging others, consider what they might be going through. Before assuming bad intentions, examine your own actions. And before reacting, try to understand.

Often, what looks like unfair treatment is not about you at all, but the other person’s burden.

Sometimes, understanding that changes everything.