Still Single: A Conversation About Faith and Trust

“Hannah, maybe this is just my fate. Maybe I’ll stay single forever. I feel so hopeless."

"I’ve been dating for years. I’ve tried everything. Matchmakers, dating sites, even asking my mom’s friends to set me up. I’ve taken on different spiritual practices, I light candles and pray with tears, I’ve said Tikkun Klali countless times, I went to Amuka. There’s nothing I haven’t tried. There isn’t a rabbi I haven’t gone to for a blessing."

"I’m not so young anymore, and I feel like I’m losing my faith in Hashem. Where is He? Has He forgotten me? I don’t even want to turn to Him anymore. It feels like He doesn’t hear me at all,” Hope said in pain.

Trust Has Been Shaken, Not Faith

“Hope,” I answered gently, “your faith has not been damaged. What has been shaken is your trust in Hashem, and your trust that you will find your match."

"Trust means having a deep inner certainty that good will come into your life. It is the belief that Hashem will give you the strength and the ability to reach the goal you are working toward."

"And that is exactly what you have been doing. You set a clear goal for yourself, to find a partner, and you are actively working toward it."

"You are going on dates, signing up for platforms, asking for suggestions. All of that is not only effort, it is also aligned with Hashem’s will."

"Your role now is to strengthen that inner certainty that Hashem will continue to give you the tools and the strength to succeed, at the right time.”

Living With the Waiting

“At the same time, we need to acknowledge something deeper."

"Not every challenge is resolved quickly. Some struggles last for years. This can be true in relationships, livelihood, health, and many other areas of life."

"In those moments, we are called to develop the ability not just to solve the problem, but to live with it."

"On one hand, you continue doing everything you can to find a match. On the other hand, you also face the reality that time is passing, and the answer has not yet come."

"This creates a painful tension. A deep desire that remains unfulfilled."

"The real inner work is learning how to carry that tension.”

Holding Two Opposites at Once

“We call this the ability to hold opposites."

"On one side, you deeply want something. On the other, it is not yet happening. And still, you continue living, hoping, and moving forward."

"At first, these two realities feel like contradictions. But through faith, they are no longer opposites."

"Faith allows a person to live with the pain of what is missing, without losing connection to what is good."

The Power of Faith

"Faith is different from trust."

"Trust focuses on the belief that things will work out in a certain way."

"Faith goes deeper. It is the ability to remain connected to Hashem even when the outcome is unclear."

"It is the understanding that everything Hashem does is ultimately good, even when we cannot see it yet."

"Faith means not needing to control the outcome, not needing to understand everything, but holding on to Hashem Himself."

"It is a connection to a hidden goodness that is not yet revealed."

A Different Kind of Strength

“This is the process you are being asked to go through right now."

"Continue to trust that Hashem will give you the strength to keep trying and to build your future."

"But alongside that, strengthen your faith. Believe that even within the pain, even within the loneliness and frustration, there is goodness that is simply not visible yet."

"Hashem is good. He is compassionate. And everything He does comes from that place, even if we do not understand it right now."

"In time, that hidden good will be revealed.”

Hannah Dayan, Relationship Counselor