Is There Anyone Out There? Coping With Dating Frustration

Hodaya sat on the bus, watching the scenery slide by through the window into the quiet of a Jerusalem night. A young man holding a shopping bag crossed the street nearby. He looked like someone she would have been happy to meet.

Not that she had any real chance of meeting him. Still, it felt nice to imagine what it would be like to meet someone she actually wanted to meet, for a change.

Somehow, so many of the guys she had gone out with felt… off. Maybe not all of them, she admitted. But enough that it started to feel like a pattern.

Maybe she was the strange one, and that was why people kept suggesting these kinds of dates.

Or maybe there was something about her that made people feel comfortable letting their quirks show, specifically when they were with her.

She sighed.

Chani glanced at her.
"Are you okay? You’re really quiet."

"Tell me, Chani. Am I weird?"

"Where did that come from?" Chani asked, surprised.

She looked her over dramatically, lifting a lock of hair, lightly pinching her cheek, examining her thumb, and finally tapping her forehead.

"Well, you like eating artichokes. That’s a little unusual. And your clothes never match your socks. Ever. You should work on that. But aside from that, I’d say you’re perfectly normal. So what’s behind this question?"

"It just feels like a really large number of the guys I meet are… strange."

"Nothing you can do about that," Chani shrugged. "That’s just how guys are. They’re a little weirder than we are."

"But why am I the one meeting all of them? There are normal guys out there. Most guys are normal, actually. But either they don’t share my outlook, or they’re already married, or they’re too young, or too old."

She paused.

"Do you remember Miri’s wedding? My mom was there too. You know our families are friends. At one point she said to me, ‘All the good ones get married young.’"

"It’s not like my parents pressure me to get married. You know them. If anything, they’re the opposite. But that sentence stuck with me. Every time I go to a friend’s wedding, it pops into my head. At first I laughed it off. But now… I don’t know."

She looked down.

"I’m tired. Tired of dates that go nowhere. Tired of waiting without knowing if it will ever actually happen."

She let out a quiet breath.

"Chani… is there anyone out there who is normal and kind? Someone who will just be right for me?"

When It Feels Like It Will Never Happen

Many people go through seasons like this. Times when it feels like there is no one out there. Times when it seems like things will continue this way for years, without change.

And often, there are real-life examples that make those fears feel even more real.

That feeling is completely natural. It makes sense to feel discouraged.

So much effort goes into the search. Time, energy, thought, emotion, hope.

And sometimes, despite all that effort, it feels frustrating and exhausting. Like it may never happen.

Different Ways to Cope With Dating Frustration

So what can you do during these difficult stretches?

The answer is not the same for everyone.

For some, it helps to sit with the pain for a while. To cry, to feel vulnerable, to allow space for those emotions. This is also a time when friends can step in with warmth and support, offering companionship, a listening ear, or even something as simple as sharing a comforting meal.

Others take a different approach. One woman shared, "Even if, heaven forbid, I stay single longer than I hoped, I do not want this time to pass in sadness. I want to be present, to notice the good in my life right now, and to live with joy."

Both approaches are valid.

Strength Through Faith and Perspective

Some people find strength in faith. Trusting that there is a plan. Believing that Hashem sees the full picture and will ultimately bring what is meant to be, in the right time.

This perspective can offer comfort and stability during uncertain moments.

For others, the process includes ups and downs. Taking time to feel low, and then gradually finding the strength to rise again.

What Is Right for You?

Each person has their own path.

What gives you strength? What helps you feel grounded? What speaks to your soul?

These are important questions.

Serving Hashem does not look the same in every season. There are times of growth and clarity, and there are times that feel heavier and more uncertain.

During the harder times, the focus shifts. The work becomes quieter and more internal. It means caring for yourself, supporting yourself, and choosing what is truly good for you in a more gentle and patient way.

That, too, is real growth.

Nechama Bitkover, head of the Depth of Connection Institute, focuses on emotional coaching for marriage and trains coaches and therapists.