I'm 16 and Becoming More Observant—But My Parents Are Trying to Stop Me

I'm 16. Over the past two years I've been becoming more observant and attending a regular class. I'm happy and feel I've found something I was missing for years, but my parents oppose it and are fighting to stop me. What should I do?

For the first time, you've encountered something that fills you, and you're excited. You were fortunate to find your place in a space of Torah. At the same time, you describe that your parents object, and you're torn between two desires.

Sometimes our wants clash. For example: I want to eat cake, and I also want to be on a diet. But here, the two desires aren't contradictory; they're connected. Your parents are the soil you grew in, the roots you belong to, and there's no doubt they want what's best for you.

Still, your choice to change direction can be read as a challenge to their way of life. So often, when conflicts flare around the process of "hitchazkut", it's not about the decision to change direction but about how it's done.

It's true: kids often draw strength precisely from pushing back and fighting with parents. You've made a good choice, but be careful to carry it out with full respect for your parents and the home you grew up in.

Remember! You grew from this tree, and you drew all your values from these roots. Values like truth, peace, justice, honesty, and so on are the fruit of your parents' nurturing. Only the way you put them into practice will change, depending on how you choose to live your life.

As long as you keep gratitude to your parents in your heart and take your steps with humility—as someone who is grateful for what you've received and understands that what is yours comes from them, and that you're simply continuing something that already exists—it's likely you won't face resistance, and maybe even the opposite: you'll receive help and a great deal of appreciation.

Noa Harel is a parenting coach, couples counselor, and personal-awareness advisor. For comments: [email protected]