Raising Confident Kids: A Torah Approach to Seeing the Good

Yehuda, a kollel avrech, found himself unexpectedly in a synagogue in Tel Aviv, surrounded by elderly congregants, most of them well into their eighties and nineties.

Moments after he arrived, the gabbai announced that the regular class would not take place since the rabbi had not shown up. Yehuda paused and thought that perhaps this was not by chance. Maybe he was meant to be there at that exact moment. Without overthinking it, he stepped forward and offered to give the class, and the gabbai agreed.

An Unexpected Challenge

With only a minute to prepare, Yehuda quickly asked what tractate they were studying. When he heard the answer, Ohalot, his heart sank. He barely knew the material and had not imagined finding himself in such a situation.

Sensing his discomfort, the elderly man sitting next to him reassured him that he would help if needed. Yehuda instinctively dismissed the idea, assuming the man could not offer much. Yet within moments, he realized how mistaken he was.

Hidden Depths

As the class began, it became clear that the elderly man possessed deep knowledge and clarity. Yehuda found himself relying on him, repeating and building on his explanations, and together they delivered a meaningful and successful lesson.

Afterward, Yehuda approached him, still amazed, and asked how he had become so fluent in such a complex tractate. The man brushed it aside modestly, but shared that he had been blessed with children deeply immersed in Torah, including a dayan in Jerusalem and others in prominent yeshivot.

One Decision That Changed Everything

When Yehuda asked how he had merited such a legacy, the man traced it back to one moment and one person, Rabbi Eliyahu Lopian.

He explained that he had grown up in London among friends who largely assimilated. Realizing the path he was heading toward, he made a difficult decision to attend a yeshiva, even though he had very little background.

At his entrance interview, he was asked what tractate of Talmud he had studied. The only name he could recall was Masechet Beitzah, which he had just seen moments earlier on a book outside the room.

The rosh yeshiva then asked him a question based on that tractate: what is the Jewish law if a chicken lays an egg on Shabbat, and the next day is a holiday. What should be done with that egg?

The young man had no idea. He did not understand the question, and he certainly did not know the answer. Feeling put on the spot, he answered simply and honestly, “What would I do? I would make an omelet.”

Instead of rejecting him, Reb Elya smiled.

He explained that a yeshiva is not looking only for prior knowledge. What mattered to him was that the student showed simple, straight thinking and honesty. Knowledge could always be learned later.

From that one decision came generations of Torah learning and a life shaped by growth and commitment.

Lighting the Flame

This story reflects a deeper principle found in the Torah’s description of lighting the menorah. The flame had to be kindled in a way that it would rise on its own, not forced or controlled.

Rashi explains that the role of the one lighting it is to support the flame just enough until it can stand independently. This is not only about the menorah, but about how we guide and influence people.

Helping Others Grow

True education is not about pressure or control. It is about giving tools, encouragement, and belief, allowing a person’s inner strength to emerge naturally.

To do this, we first need to train ourselves to notice the good. Every person has something valuable within them, even when it is not immediately visible.

Celebrate the Wins

One evening during a class, a teenage boy walked in and quietly asked if there was a pair of tefillin he could use. He did not look like someone who regularly attended, yet he stood there and asked, overcoming whatever hesitation he may have felt.

The rabbi immediately responded with sensitivity, helping him find tefillin as the sun was setting. The boy put them on right there, without hesitation, seizing the moment.

When he finished, the rabbi approached him, offered a few warm words, and gave him a small, encouraging gesture. The boy’s face lit up with a genuine smile.

A Shift in Perspective

Moments like these move us because we recognize the effort and the direction of growth. Yet when it comes to those closest to us, we often overlook similar efforts and focus instead on what is missing.

When we shift our perspective and begin to appreciate each positive step, even the small ones, we create an environment that encourages growth rather than discourages it.

Creating Lasting Impact

A rosh yeshiva once expressed frustration about the lack of progress among his students. He was asked a simple question: how do you celebrate the wins?

The answer revealed that very little attention was given to what was going right. He was encouraged to start noticing and celebrating every success, every class that began on time, every consistent effort, every achievement, no matter how small.

The change was noticeable almost immediately. Energy returned, motivation increased, and the atmosphere became more positive and engaged.

The Power of Seeing the Good

When we train ourselves to recognize and celebrate the good, we help others grow and thrive. We become the ones who light the flame in a way that allows it to rise on its own.

Sometimes, all it takes is one moment, one decision, or one encouraging word to change the course of a life.

Rabbi Avi Avraham is a counselor and emotional therapist, and director of the Kom"a Center for Advancement and Empowerment.