The Power of Saying “Sorry”: Teaching Children the Courage to Apologize

This week I spoke with a friend who told me that his father is someone he truly admires: a self-made man who built everything from scratch with his own two hands. And yet, in more than fifty years, he has never once heard him say the word “sorry.” Not even by mistake.

How often do we, as parents, say “sorry” to our children? How often do we recognize that our reaction was disproportionate, inaccurate, or simply an emotional outburst directed at them? Do we really have the inner strength to pause and say “I’m sorry” — without feeling that it makes us look weak?

A Moment That Changed the Room

I once taught a class of over thirty-four students. After exhausting effort, I finally managed to get the quiet and focus I had been striving for. Everyone was with me. And then I noticed one student acting like a clown — making a funny noise that sent the entire class into laughter. In an instant, I lost their attention. I felt myself burning inside with anger and frustration. How dare he?

Instinctively, I fired back with a sharp remark: “You’re welcome to keep being the class clown if you think it’ll earn you a few more points socially, but I think you’re just wasting your time.”

He looked at me, stunned. Everything stopped. The color drained from his face. I had pressed a button I should never have touched. He was deeply hurt. All eyes in the classroom were on me. What do you do in that moment? Stop the lesson? Pretend nothing happened? Apologize privately later? But the damage had been done in public.

I decided to stop the lesson and apologize in front of everyone. He was surprised. But what happened next surprised me even more: the entire class started applauding. Apparently, it’s rare for teachers to apologize.

A Higher Level of Growth

Let’s face it, we all make mistakes. To err is human. But knowing how to apologize is a higher level.

If you want to develop in your children awareness, sensitivity, and emotional understanding of what it means to ask for forgiveness, take a few minutes — even ten will do, and sit with them. Ask them these questions (and feel free to answer together): Have you hurt someone this past year? Have you been hurt? And if so, did you tell the person who hurt you how you felt? Have you asked forgiveness from someone you hurt? If not, why not? What makes it hard to say “sorry,” and how can we overcome that?

Teaching What It Means to Be Human

Share with your children that you, too, experience conflict, at work, and in relationships. It’s part of being human. Even animals experience conflict, but only human beings were given the ability to ask for forgiveness.

As Yom Kippur approaches, give your children that gift: the tools to say “I’m sorry.” The tools to be truly human.

May you be sealed for a good year.