Sukkot and Parenting: Turning the Sukkah Into a Space for Real Connection

This past Shabbat, I heard about a man who specifically wanted to buy an apartment on the tenth floor of a building in Jerusalem — just so he could have a large balcony for his sukkah.

Honestly, I didn’t quite understand it. No matter how you look at it, Sukkot is a beautiful holiday, but it lasts only a week. For one week, you’re willing to “be stuck” on the tenth floor for the rest of the year?

Apparently, yes. And every time I encounter Jews who cherish the mitzvah of the sukkah to that extent, it’s both fascinating and inspiring.

Investing in Mitzvot — But What About Our Children?

In the same spirit, I’ve met people who go to great lengths to acquire an especially beautiful etrog, willing to spend significant amounts of money on it.

But I have yet to meet parents who are equally meticulous during Sukkot about truly talking with their children and teenagers, and investing in quality time with them.

The Reality of Everyday Conversations

If we were to conduct a small survey among parents and ask how often they have genuine, uninterrupted conversations with their children during the week, we would likely get a complicated answer. Some would honestly admit it barely happens at all. Others might say it does, but only halfway, with a phone in hand, glancing at it while trying to talk.

How many parents can say they turn off their phones and make themselves fully available for a personal conversation with their children? Probably a very small percentage.

Sukkot: A Rare Opportunity for Connection

One of the unique opportunities of Sukkot is that it can turn our children into a “captive audience.” Once they understand that being in the sukkah is part of the experience, it becomes much easier to start talking with them.

Of course, knowing how to talk is just as important: don’t ask closed questions. Don’t preach. Don’t overwhelm them. Think of engaging topics (especially if this doesn’t come naturally), and most importantly, let them feel that you are truly there for them, that you genuinely want to hear what they have to say.

Some parents don’t even know who their children’s closest friends are, or the names of their teachers.

This is the time to close those gaps. To realize that during Sukkot, more important than hiking in scenic places is exploring the inner world of our children and teenagers, and using this time for deeper connection that we rarely achieve in the rush of everyday life.

Chag Sameach!