Why Mental Health Is Worsening Today: The Hidden Impact of Conditional Self-Worth

“In recent years, there has been a worsening across all types of mental health disorders.” With this stark statement, Sarah Trenyo, a psychotherapist (M.A.), opens our conversation. And no, she is not referring only to depression — which has become alarmingly widespread, but also to feelings of anxiety and other psychological challenges. “There are clear studies showing that in recent years, people have become more vulnerable to mental health issues,” she says.

The Hidden Danger: Helicopter Parenting

Drawing on extensive research, Trenyo notes that one of the main causes behind the rise in these issues is a lack of personal responsibility. “There is a very familiar phenomenon that begins in childhood,” she explains. “Parents place the child at the center of everything. From a very young age, they hover around them, serving their every need. The child learns that they don’t need to take responsibility for their life, because their parents do everything for them.”

Even during school years, she says, there are cases where teachers approach parents directly, asking them to ensure the child completes homework — sometimes without even involving the child. Parents are quick to step in, and the child internalizes that others will do things for them.

“When a child shifts responsibility onto others, they essentially live through others and become dependent on them,” she emphasizes. “A child who believes that control over their life lies outside of themselves experiences helplessness and significant emotional distress. It’s no surprise that they grow up without knowing how to take responsibility for their lives, and even more than that, they place themselves at the center. Heaven forbid someone hurts their ego or doesn’t give them the attention they expect.”

This phenomenon is known as “helicopter parenting,” and research has shown it to be highly harmful.

When Self-Worth Becomes Conditional

“It’s also interesting,” she adds, “that according to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, while previous generations were primarily focused on earning a living, today people are more concerned with developing their sense of self through their work. Self-actualization has become almost a basic necessity.”

But when a person conditions their self-worth — “I am only valuable if I am the best,” they create a fragile foundation for their life. “Woe to me if I am hurt, if I’m not recognized, or if I’m not able to develop the way I want.”

How does this relate to mental health?

“When I place myself at the center and things don’t go according to my expectations, I immediately look for someone to blame. I expect others to adapt to me, instead of adapting myself to reality. When things don’t work out, it shakes my most basic assumptions, and that can lead directly to serious emotional struggles.”

When the World Feels Like It’s Collapsing

Consider for example, Batsheva — a young, energetic woman in her twenties who recently started a new job. Since then, she has been experiencing frequent anxiety attacks. She wakes up at night drenched in sweat, her heart racing, often imagining worst-case scenarios, and sometimes finds herself shaking uncontrollably.

When she visited her doctor, she was referred to a psychologist. There, she came to understand that the new job had triggered her anxiety. “Batsheva grew up in a home full of encouragement and praise,” Trenyo explains. “Without realizing it, she developed a fixed belief that her value depends on the compliments she receives. When her current boss didn’t offer much praise, she felt crushed, frightened, and overwhelmed with anxiety.”

Another example is Rivka, a mother of four who began experiencing symptoms of depression after her last childbirth. She felt low, struggled to get out of bed, cried frequently, and felt constant frustration. While she was indeed experiencing postpartum depression, Trenyo explains that it did not appear suddenly.

“In Rivka’s case, the depression stemmed from internal interpretations,” she says. “She had adopted beliefs like: ‘I only exist if my life is under control,’ or ‘I am only worthy if everyone is pleased with me.’ These beliefs can sometimes drive success, but when reality doesn’t meet them, the person feels completely lost, or even worthless. That’s how the path to depression begins.”

Trenyo emphasizes that in both cases, the external situation was not the root cause. “What led to the collapse were the mistaken core beliefs they had adopted. If not for this trigger, something else would have eventually caused the same reaction.”

The Solution: Choosing a Different Perspective

Just as we unconsciously chose interpretations that led to suffering, we can also choose to change them.

“This is why it’s important to strive for excellence — for ourselves and for our children, but to remember that it is not a condition for our right to exist. We must aim to reach a place where we manage our thoughts and emotions, rather than letting them manage us.”

Sometimes, professional help is necessary, but the result can be profound. “The good news is that once this change takes place, mental health struggles are far less likely to return.”

Awareness — and Confusion

When asked whether people today are aware enough to seek help, Trenyo responds: “Yes, definitely. Women come to me with serious challenges, and they understand they need help. But alongside that awareness, there is also a lot of confusion.”

The common belief, she explains, is that mental struggles simply “happen” because of genetics, family, or circumstances. “But people often forget to ask: where am I in this story?”

When Struggle Becomes a Coping Mechanism

She also points out a less comfortable truth. “There are women who, after giving birth, feel they have a kind of permission to be unhappy or sink into depression. Others carry a heavy burden and use it — unconsciously, as a reason to remain in a dark emotional state.”

In one case, a woman suffering from postpartum depression revealed during therapy that she was gaining something from it: increased closeness with her husband, who took time off to be with her. “Sometimes, without realizing it, people are willing to pay a heavy price in order to receive emotional fulfillment or validation.”

But ultimately, she says, true healing comes from reconnecting to one’s deepest self — the inner, spiritual, limitless core within.

Taking Back Control

Trenyo emphasizes that to break free from emotional distress, one must understand that well-being does not depend on external factors — not on a spouse, children’s school, work, or anything else, but on oneself.

“We must understand that no one is meant to adapt to us. We are the ones who need to learn how to manage our lives. The keys to overcoming emotional struggle are in our hands.”

Is that understanding alone enough?

“It’s the foundation,” she says. “It allows a person to rise above their personal struggles and begin to move forward. Of course, if someone cannot manage alone, they should seek professional help. As the saying goes, ‘A prisoner cannot free himself from prison.’ But once a person understands that they are responsible for their own life, they have a much greater chance of overcoming their difficulties and starting a new path.”