Honoring Parents in Halacha: Can You Call Your Parents by Their Name?

In this article, we will address common questions related to parental names and respect. These rulings are based on the halachic work Yalkut Yosef.

1. Saying “Mazal Tov” to a Parent

If a mother’s name is “Mazal Tov,” it is permitted for her child to say “Mazal Tov” to her on the birth of a child, if that is the local custom.

2. Calling Parents by Their Name

A child should not call their father or mother by their first name. This applies both during their lifetime and after their passing, whether in their presence or not.

Instead, one should say expressions such as “my father, my teacher,” or “my honored father,” and similarly for one’s mother. When speaking directly to them, one should say “Abba” or “Ima.”

3. Calling Others Who Share a Parent’s Name

If another person has the same name as one’s father, one should avoid calling that person by name in the father’s presence, unless using a nickname or variation.

Outside the father’s presence, it is generally permitted. However, if the name is uncommon, some opinions are stricter even then.

4. Using a Name with a Title of Honor

If one adds a respectful title, such as “my father, my teacher” or “my rabbi,” it is permitted to mention the parent’s name, even in their presence.

5. When a Parent Has Multiple Names

If the father has two names, and another person has only one of them (or a variation), it is permitted to call that person by name — even in the father’s presence, as it is clearly a different individual.

6. When Asked for One’s Father’s Name

If someone is asked, “Whose son are you?” or “What is your father’s name?” it is permitted to answer by stating the father’s name, even without adding a title, since it is clear that one is identifying lineage.

7. Calling One’s Father to the Torah

If a son serves as the synagogue official calling people to the Torah, some say he may say: “Let my father, my teacher, so-and-so rise.” Others say he should avoid mentioning the name entirely.

8. Making a “Mi Sheberach” for a Parent

If a son is reciting a blessing for those called to the Torah, he should refer to his father respectfully (e.g., “my father, my teacher”). If the parent is not present, it is permitted to mention their name with a title.

9. A Stepfather’s Name

Even if someone was raised by a stepfather, when called to the Torah they must be identified by their biological father’s name, not the stepfather’s, to avoid dishonoring their true father.

10. Signing One’s Name

It is permitted to sign one’s name followed by “son of so-and-so,” without adding a title such as “Rabbi.”

11. Writing a Parent’s Name

There is debate whether writing a parent’s name is like speaking. Ideally, one should include a respectful title when writing about a parent.

12. Filling Out Official Forms

When filling out official documents (such as passports), it is preferable to include a respectful title next to the parent’s name. If that appears unusual, one may simply write the name.

13. Answering in Formal Settings

When asked in formal or legal settings for a parent’s name, it is permitted to state it plainly without a title.

14. When the Parent’s Name Is “Abba”

If a father’s actual name is “Abba,” the child may still call him “Abba,” since it is both his name and a respectful title.

15. A Grandchild Named After a Grandparent

If a child names their son after their father, they should avoid calling the child by that name in the father’s presence, unless permission is granted. It is advisable to use a nickname.

16. Praying for a Sick Parent

When praying for a parent’s recovery, one should not use honorific titles, but rather say: “Your servant, my father so-and-so, son of so-and-so,” or similarly for one’s mother.

17. If a Parent Forgives Their Honor

Some opinions allow a parent to waive their honor and permit being called by name, while others forbid it even then. In practice, since it is widely accepted to avoid calling parents by name, one should continue to do so.

“Whoever seeks long life, wealth, and blessing in this world and the next should fulfill the will of their Father in Heaven and the will of their father and mother.”

(Tanna Devei Eliyahu Rabbah, Chapter 24)