“Why Me?”: A Shift in How You See the Dating Process

This week, a friend shared the exciting news that she is getting married, and the joy was real. We spent a full hour talking about how, in the end, things work out when you have faith. Then she said something that caught me off guard.

“For years, I asked Hashem, ‘Why me?’” she said. “I didn’t understand why I was chosen for such a difficult test. Why was I the one who kept getting rejected by people who couldn’t see what I had to offer? Why was I the one left waiting, feeling like I couldn’t move forward, like everything I was searching for kept slipping through my fingers? Why was I the one not building a home, not starting a family?”

I knew there was more coming. Still, for a moment, I allowed myself to sit inside those questions. They felt familiar. Too familiar.

A Question We All Know

“How many times have you found yourself saying that line?” she suddenly asked.

“Too many,” I admitted.

That question, “Why me,” had become almost automatic. A quiet refrain that surfaces in moments of frustration, loneliness, or doubt.

Then she said something unexpected.

“It’s not random,” she said. “Those thoughts are not a mistake. It’s actually good that you’re thinking them.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Good? Yesterday you were saying the exact opposite. Come on, we both know you’re only saying this now because you’re getting married.”

It slipped out. I didn’t plan it.

When Everything Changes

She didn’t take offense. She understood exactly where I was coming from.

“You’re right,” she said calmly. “I am saying this because I’m getting married. Because after years of prayers, effort, and endless suggestions, I finally found it. Someone I connect with. Someone I trust. Someone I’m excited to build a future with.”

She paused, then added, “And that’s exactly why I need to tell you this. That ‘why me’ you feel now? It’s part of the same truth you’ll understand later.”

I didn’t fully follow.

A Deeper Understanding

“It’s all one truth,” she explained, “but you only see pieces of it at a time. The ‘why me’ you feel before finding your match prepares you for a different ‘why me’ afterward.”

She leaned in slightly.

“When you finally find what you’re waiting for, you’ll still ask ‘why me,’ but it will sound completely different. Not out of pain, but out of awe. You’ll look at what you received and feel how small you are compared to it. You’ll realize how much you grew, how much you were shaped by the process.”

Her words settled slowly.

What the Waiting Is For

“You’ll also see,” she continued, “how much you could have done during that time. Not from guilt, but from clarity. How much strength you built. How much you learned. How much you were meant to become.”

She spoke about thought. About how the way we think shapes everything.

“Our thoughts can bring us joy or take it away. If you go through this process without joy, it’s worth asking what needs to shift in your thinking.”

A New Kind of Answer

Something clicked.

For years, I had struggled with that question. Why me?

Now, for the first time, I began to see a different response.

Not “why,” but “because I am.”

Because I am the one meant to walk this path. Because I am the one who can grow through it. Because I am the one who can give something unique that no one else can.

A Message to the One Still Waiting

To the one sitting quietly on the side.
To the one checking the clock again and again.
To the one who wonders if it will ever happen.

You are not overlooked.

You are chosen.

Chosen because only you can bring what you bring. Chosen because your path, with all its challenges, is shaping something that belongs only to you.

And when the moment comes, when everything finally falls into place, the question will still be there.

But it will sound different.

Not “Why me?”

But “How did I merit this?”