Parenting and Halacha: Rabbi Shteinman’s Practical Wisdom

This touching story captures the wisdom, sensitivity, and practical clarity of Rabbi Aharon Leib Shteinman, ztz”l, one of the leading Torah sages of his generation.

A Torah observant father once approached Rabbi Shteinman with a concern about his children and the laws of Shabbat.

A Father’s Concern

The man explained that his young children sometimes stumbled with the prohibition of borer, separating unwanted items from food on Shabbat.

“I try to teach them the halachot,” he said, “but they are still young and sometimes forget.”

Wanting to prevent mistakes, the father came up with an idea: before Shabbat, his family would remove all the bones from the chicken served to the children.

Still, he felt conflicted.

“Maybe it’s better for them to learn from a young age how to be careful,” he asked. “If they always eat boneless chicken as children, how will they learn to avoid borer properly when they grow older?”

Rabbi Shteinman’s Response

Rabbi Shteinman listened carefully and then asked a simple question:

“Where are you planning to get chicken without bones? I’ve never seen such a chicken.”

The man explained that the bones would be removed before Shabbat.

“Who will remove the bones?” Rabbi Shteinman asked.

“My wife,” the man answered.

Rabbi Shteinman smiled gently and replied:

“Doesn’t she already have enough work on Friday? Why add more?”

The father explained that he had already discussed it with his wife and she agreed to do it.

But Rabbi Shteinman remained firm.

“She already has enough to do before Shabbat,” he repeated. “There is no need to add more work.”

The Wisdom Behind the Answer

Rabbi Shteinman’s response revealed a deep understanding not only of halacha, but of family life, balance, and responsibility.

The father’s intentions were sincere. He wanted to educate his children properly and help them avoid mistakes on Shabbat.

But Rabbi Shteinman reminded him that spiritual growth and stringencies must never come at the expense of another person’s burden.

When Stringencies Affect Others

Taking on extra precautions in halacha can be meaningful and valuable. But Rabbi Shteinman taught that every stringency should also be weighed with wisdom and sensitivity.

If a practice creates unnecessary pressure, stress, or extra work for someone else in the home, especially before Shabbat, it deserves careful reconsideration.

True Torah living includes awareness of the people around us.

Teaching Children Gradually

Rabbi Shteinman’s response also reflects an important approach to education.

Children should certainly learn the laws of Shabbat and grow in their observance. But growth happens gradually and naturally over time.

Parents do not need to create unrealistic systems or extra pressure in order to raise children with respect for halacha.

A Torah of Kindness

This story highlights one of Rabbi Shteinman’s defining qualities: the ability to see the bigger picture.

Alongside careful observance of halacha stood deep compassion, practical wisdom, and sensitivity toward the quiet burdens people carry every day.

Sometimes, true greatness is found not only in the stringency we adopt, but in the burden we choose not to place on others.