Powerful Life Lessons on Education, Marriage, and Personal Growth

Rabbi Gershon Edelstein passed away on the 10th of Sivan, 5783 (2023) at the age of 100.

Remarkably, even the day before his passing, while lying in his hospital room and preparing a lesson, he continued teaching Torah.

Rabbi Edelstein was the Rosh Yeshiva of Ponevezh Yeshiva, one of the leading figures of the Haredi world, president of the Moetzes Gedolei HaTorah of Degel HaTorah, and head of the Vaad HaYeshivot.

Following are seven remarkable teachings and ideas from his life and words:

1. Learning Must Fit the Student’s Nature

Rabbi Edelstein believed strongly that Torah study should be adapted to each student’s personality and natural style.

According to him, when a learning style matches a student’s character, the student experiences far greater enjoyment and satisfaction, making it easier to continue learning consistently over many years.

He also maintained that for most students, faster-paced learning that covers larger amounts of material is more suitable. Acquiring broad knowledge and strong familiarity with Torah texts creates a necessary foundation for clear reasoning and deeper understanding of Talmudic discussions — and also gives the learner greater fulfillment.

2. The Importance of Mussar Study

Rabbi Edelstein placed tremendous emphasis on studying mussar (ethical and character-development literature).

In many of his talks, he repeatedly stressed the importance of learning mussar joyfully and through books that genuinely interest the individual.

He often said that Torah study — and especially mussar study, brings happiness in this world in addition to reward in the World to Come.

He once said: “There are four classic mussar books: Shaarei Teshuvah, Mesillat Yesharim, Orchot Tzaddikim, and Chovot HaLevavot. Chovot HaLevavot already has excellent translations available, and the ‘Lev Tov’ translation is especially engaging.

“The mussar book Orchot Tzaddikim is suitable for everyone. Every person has a particular book or chapter that speaks to them personally, and that has tremendous influence and gives strength in all areas.”

3. Torah Study and Valuing Time

Rabbi Edelstein spoke constantly about the obligation to learn Torah and to use time wisely.

He emphasized that even physical activities such as eating, drinking, and sleeping become holy when a person’s intention is to serve God better through them.

In his words: “Torah involvement is not only when one is actively learning. Even activities that prepare a person for Torah study — such as resting in order to learn properly, are themselves considered involvement in a mitzvah.”

4. Building Personal Relationships with Students

Rabbi Edelstein encouraged educators to build personal relationships with their students, which he considered the foundation of cultivating a love of Torah.

According to him, real education begins not with pressure, but with connection.

5. The Secret to a Peaceful Marriage: Stay Quiet and Show Respect

Rabbi Edelstein often advised men struggling with marital harmony to follow a simple principle he called: “Stay quiet and show respect.”

He explained that when a wife expresses frustration or anger, the husband should avoid responding impulsively or escalating the situation into conflict. Instead, he should remain calm and continue treating her with respect at all times.

According to Rabbi Edelstein, this approach creates a home filled with love and peace.

He also repeatedly stressed in his weekly talks that even when one spouse is upset with the other, it is forbidden to raise one’s voice. Through self-control, a person can prevent anger not only in marriage, but in all human relationships.

6. Education Must Be Gentle

Rabbi Edelstein consistently and passionately emphasized that children should be educated only through gentleness, warmth, and pleasantness — never through force or hostility.

Even when children struggle or fail, he insisted they must be guided through “pleasant ways.”

He explained that children usually know what is right, but when they struggle emotionally or spiritually, coercion only creates resistance and rebellion. The correct path is encouragement, warmth, and inspiring genuine desire.

When asked whether parents should pressure teenagers who miss prayer times or the time for reciting the Shema, he responded emphatically:

“With pleasantness! Without force!”

When asked further whether parents should at least “nag” their children about it, he launched into an unusually passionate response:

“No, no, no, no, no — don’t nag them…

“Force creates resistance. It is forbidden to force a child. Coercion creates the opposite result. Education must only come through friendliness, warmth, and love… Only through pleasantness! The child should not even feel criticized… If a child feels criticism, it hurts deeply… This is a fundamental principle in education.”

7. Treat Those Who Leave Religion with Respect and Friendship

Rabbi Edelstein viewed people who left religious observance — including struggling teenagers and young adults — as spiritually vulnerable individuals rather than rebels.

He strongly opposed pushing them away from the home or speaking harshly to them.

Instead, he emphasized the obligation to draw them closer with love, warmth, dignity, and friendship — sometimes even more than one’s other children.

He instructed parents to continue supporting such children emotionally and financially, even when their lifestyle or clothing contradicted halachic standards, and to relate to them with exceptional kindness and gentleness.