What Is an Onen in Judaism? The Complete Guide to Aninut Before Burial

A person whose close relative has passed away — one of the seven relatives for whom mourning is observed (father, mother, son, daughter, brother, sister, husband, or wife) — is called an “onen” from the moment of death until the burial takes place, even if several days pass before burial. After the burial, the person is called an “avel” (mourner).

Children below bar or bat mitzvah age do not observe the laws of aninut.

Exemption From Mitzvot

An onen is exempt from positive commandments such as prayer, reciting Shema, putting on tefillin, Torah study, and similar mitzvot. He should not voluntarily choose to perform them as a stringency.

Likewise:

• He does not recite blessings over food or drink.

• He does not say the blessing of “Asher Yatzar.”

• He does not answer “Amen” to blessings or Kaddish.

However, this exemption applies only to positive commandments. An onen is still forbidden to violate any prohibition.

Why Is an Onen Exempt?

The primary reason is so the mourner can focus fully on arranging the burial as quickly as possible. Even if the body has already been handed over to the chevra kadisha, the mourner remains exempt because he is emotionally preoccupied with the burial process.

Another reason is respect for the deceased — it would be dishonorable for the mourner to divert attention toward other matters while the burial has not yet occurred.

Tefillin

An onen — and even an avel — does not wear tefillin on the day of death, even after the burial.

Cases Where Aninut Does Not Apply

If there is no obligation of mourning, there is also no aninut. For example:

• A baby who passed away within thirty days of birth.

• Someone who was unaware that the relative died.

A person who has not yet been informed of the death remains fully obligated in all mitzvot. Therefore, if someone sees him going to synagogue to pray or put on tefillin, one should not interrupt him by informing him immediately.

If One Learns of the Death During Prayer

If someone is already in the middle of Shemoneh Esrei or Birkat Hamazon when informed of the death, he finishes the prayer or blessing first, and only afterward do the laws of aninut begin.

Joining a Minyan and Answering Amen

Normally, an onen does not count toward a minyan and does not answer Amen.

However, if the deceased has already been entrusted to the chevra kadisha, many authorities permit the mourner to:

• Join a minyan

• Answer Amen

• Even recite Kaddish himself

On Shabbat, there are no public laws of aninut, and the mourner participates fully in communal prayer.

Saying Kaddish

If the body has already been entrusted to the chevra kadisha, the mourner may say Kaddish. Still, it is preferable for someone else to recite it together with him so he will not become emotionally overwhelmed.

Tzedakah

An onen may give charity for the elevation of the deceased’s soul.

Shema Before Sleep and the Hamapil Blessing

If the mourner handed the deceased over to the chevra kadisha at night and burial will not occur until the next day, then before going to sleep he should recite Shema and may say the blessing of Hamapil normally, even after midnight.

Eating and Drinking

Bread

If an onen eats bread, he washes his hands normally but does not recite:

• Al Netilat Yadayim

• Hamotzi

• Birkat Hamazon

Meat and Wine

An onen should not eat meat or drink wine. Some authorities also recommend avoiding foods cooked with meat.

Other foods, fruits, and beverages are permitted.

Mayim Acharonim

After eating bread, it is proper for an onen to wash mayim acharonim because of concerns related to dangerous salt residue, even though he will not recite Birkat Hamazon.

Birkat Hamazon After Burial

If someone ate bread while an onen and only afterward buried the deceased, there is a halachic dispute whether he must now recite Birkat Hamazon. Therefore, one should preferably:

• Eat another kezayit of bread after burial and then bench, or

• Hear Birkat Hamazon from someone else.

If neither option is possible, he should not recite it himself.

Torah Study

An onen may not study Torah. However, he may learn practical halachot needed for the burial or mourning process.

A Torah scholar who has time before burial may deliver words of inspiration and mussar publicly, since this brings honor and elevation to the deceased.

Reciting Tehillim while guarding the deceased is permitted.

Travel Prayer

An onen traveling between cities for more than 72 minutes may recite Tefilat Haderech, but without pronouncing God’s name in the concluding blessing.

Haircuts and Bathing

An onen should avoid haircuts and bathing. However, in cases of significant need — such as excessive sweating or extremely overgrown hair — there is room to be lenient.

Mikvah

An onen who wishes to help prepare the deceased and wants to immerse in a mikvah beforehand for reasons of purity and honor may do so in cold water.

Changing Clothing

An onen should not change into freshly laundered clothing. However, if necessary for the upcoming keriah (tearing garment), he may change clothing for that purpose.

Sitting on Chairs

An onen should generally avoid sitting on a regular chair unless involved in matters related to caring for the deceased.

Marital Relations and Joy

An onen is forbidden in marital relations, anointing, expressions of joy, and ordinary greetings.

Leather Shoes

Unlike an avel after burial, an onen may wear leather shoes because he often needs to travel and handle burial arrangements.

Delayed Burial

In places where authorities legally delay burial for several days, the laws of aninut generally do not begin immediately until burial preparations can realistically commence. However, tefillin are still not worn on the day of death.

Flying With the Deceased

Someone flying with the body of the deceased to Israel for burial is not considered an onen during the actual flight, since he cannot actively deal with burial arrangements at that time. Therefore, during the flight he remains obligated in prayer and mitzvot.