Dating and Spiritual Growth: Learning to Trust the Climb

There is a famous parable about a man who spends days climbing a steep mountain. By the time he finally reaches the summit, he is exhausted, bruised, thirsty, and barely able to stand. Then suddenly, at the top of the mountain, he notices a small child standing there peacefully.

“How did you get here?” the man asks in amazement. “I climbed for days through danger and exhaustion. I struggled through every step. How did you possibly make it here so easily?”

The child answers simply:

“I was born here. I have never known anywhere else.”

The Difference Between Being Born With Faith and Finding It

After my previous article about matchmakers, many readers responded with strong opinions. Some agreed with me. Others struggled to understand why I hold so tightly to my perspective.

But the truth is that not every soul travels the same road.

There are people who were raised with deep faith from childhood. Torah, emunah, and spiritual life always felt natural to them. But for a baalat teshuvah, the journey can feel very different.

I was not born on the “mountain of faith.”

I climbed toward it slowly, through confusion, struggle, heartbreak, questions, fear, and enormous inner searching. And even now, there are moments when my compass still trembles and I need time to stop, breathe, and regain direction.

That does not make my faith weaker.

If anything, it makes every step more deliberate and deeply fought for.

Every Soul Climbs a Different Mountain

Even among baalei teshuvah, no two journeys are identical.

Every person carries different wounds, fears, experiences, dreams, and spiritual tests. No one can fully understand another person’s inner climb unless they have walked beside them through it.

Sometimes people watching from a distance think they understand what someone else needs. They offer advice, warnings, or opinions from far away.

But real understanding requires closeness.

It requires listening.
Patience.
Compassion.
Prayer.
And the humility to recognize that another person’s spiritual journey may look very different from your own.

I Did Not Return to Faith for “Just Anything”

One of the most painful assumptions singles often hear is:

“At this point, shouldn’t you just compromise and get married already?”

But the truth is that long before I became religious, I prayed for something real. I never dreamed of “just getting married” for the sake of checking a box.

After returning to Torah and understanding more deeply what a Jewish home truly means, that longing only became stronger.

I do not want a marriage built from fear, pressure, loneliness, or desperation.

I want truth.
Connection.
A home filled with kedushah, honesty, and genuine partnership.

And perhaps that desire itself is part of the difficult mountain I was meant to climb.

A Daughter of the King

There are moments during the waiting process when despair whispers:
“Maybe you are asking for too much.”

But then I remind myself of something important.

We are children of the King of Kings.

A person who once lived with wealth does not suddenly forget what abundance feels like. Spiritually, emotionally, and internally, we were all created as children of royalty.

So why should we stop believing that Hashem can still give us goodness?

Yes, time passes.
Yes, waiting is painful.
Yes, life sometimes feels confusing and uncertain.

But none of that changes Hashem’s ability to guide every person exactly where they need to go.

Choosing Faith Again and Again

Faith is not always effortless.

Sometimes faith is a conscious choice repeated every single day.

I choose to believe that Hashem has enough goodness for everyone.
I choose to believe that He hears every prayer.
I choose to believe that His delays are not rejection.
I choose to believe that even this waiting has meaning.

Years ago, while studying in seminary in Jerusalem, I learned a foundational idea from the Ramchal in Derech Hashem:

Hashem created the world in order to bestow goodness upon His creations.

That sentence has stayed with me ever since. Because if the purpose of creation itself is goodness, then even the painful chapters of life must somehow contain hidden goodness too.

Holding Onto Hope While Waiting

Being single while longing to build a home can feel incredibly difficult. There are moments of exhaustion, loneliness, and uncertainty.

But I refuse to believe that waiting means abandonment.

Even now, while still standing somewhere on this mountain, I choose to continue climbing with faith.

I choose to believe in the goodness of Hashem.
I choose to believe that miracles still happen every day.
And I choose to believe that the path itself, difficult as it may be, is bringing me closer to the person Hashem created me to become.