Parenting and Self Growth: How Children Transform Their Parents

In Parashat Ki Tisa, one of the Torah’s most moving verses appears during the aftermath of the sin of the Golden Calf. Standing before Hashem on behalf of the Jewish people, Moshe Rabbeinu says:

“And now, if You will bear their sin; and if not, erase me, please, from Your book that You have written” (Shemot 32:32). 

Rabbi Reuven Golan wrote that these words perhaps reveal more than anything else the enormous heart of Moshe Rabbeinu. Moshe was willing to give up everything for Am Yisrael, even his own eternal place and spiritual greatness, if it would spare the nation from destruction.

The Ultimate Form of Self Sacrifice

Many people are capable of sacrifice for others. Parents sacrifice for children, friends help one another, and people give of themselves for those they love.

But Moshe Rabbeinu’s words go far beyond ordinary devotion.

He was prepared to be erased entirely, to lose his portion and his name, if that was the price of protecting the Jewish people. If anyone understood the significance of being written in “Hashem’s book,” it was Moshe himself. Yet even with that understanding, he was willing to surrender everything for others.

And Hashem did not leave such selflessness unanswered.

Rabbeinu Chaim Vital writes in Sha'arei Kedushah that Moshe attained his greatness specifically because he loved Israel and carried their suffering together with them. Spiritual greatness, he explains, is deeply connected to love, empathy, and selflessness.

Parenting Is Not One Sided

And this brings us to parenting.

Sometimes people think parenting is mainly about passing values down to the next generation. But real parenting is much deeper than simply teaching children how to behave.

Children do not only receive from parents. Parents themselves are transformed through the process. Especially when raising struggling or emotionally challenging children, parenting forces people to stretch beyond themselves, confront their impatience, and grow emotionally in ways they never expected.

In many ways, parenting becomes a workshop for refining character, patience, humility, and love.

Rabbi Uri Zohar’s Greatest Tikkun

Rabbi Uri Zohar would often say that the greatest tikkun of his life came through his children. In fact, he chose this idea as the opening message of his book Avot al Banim.

Rabbi Uri experienced enormous spiritual growth throughout his lifetime, yet he still viewed parenting as one of the deepest forms of inner work. More than anything else, it taught him how to truly love, accept, and give of himself.

“We Came to Bring Nachat Ruach to the Shechinah”

The article references the famous “Turkey Prince” parable, where helping someone sometimes requires stepping far outside comfort, dignity, or expectations.

And that is often how parenting feels too.

Parents naturally worry:
“What will people say?”
“How will this affect the family?”
“What about the neighbors?”
“What about future shidduchim?”

But Rabbi Uri Zohar would repeatedly remind parents of a deeper truth:

“We came to bring nachat ruach to the Shechinah, not to the neighbor.”

That perspective changes everything.

The goal is not public image or external approval. The goal is to help guide a Jewish soul with love, patience, and faithfulness to Hashem’s will.

Drawing Children Close With Love

The article emphasizes the approach taught repeatedly by Gedolei Yisrael: “Draw them close with cords of love.”

Children, especially struggling children, rarely grow through rejection or shame. Real influence grows through connection, warmth, patience, and consistency.

That does not mean parenting becomes easy. Often it requires parents to break through their own fears, pride, and emotional barriers along the way.

Sometimes the struggle itself becomes part of the growth.

The Souls Entrusted to Us

Most parents would gladly choose an easier path for their children and for themselves. No one willingly asks for painful challenges.

To conclude with a powerful reminder: if Hashem entrusted these souls specifically to us, then there must be meaning in that mission too.

Perhaps parenting is not only about raising children successfully. Perhaps it is also about becoming softer, more patient, more compassionate, and more capable of unconditional love ourselves.

And with Hashem’s help, the love and sacrifice invested in our children ultimately brings blessing not only to them, but to all of Klal Yisrael.