The Danger of Herd Mentality: A Parenting Wake Up Call

I’m writing this as a mother, a professional, and someone who feels a deep commitment to the culture and society I’m part of.

This is a personal and public call to every mother and father who cares about their children’s future. And when I say future, I mean their emotional and mental future: the future that will allow them to become stable, grounded human beings in a complicated world.

Life brings challenges to everyone. Marriage, parenting, making a living, health struggles, friendships, relationships, financial hardship, loss, betrayal, and emotional pain are all part of life. Our children need the inner tools to face those realities with strength, judgment, and balance.

Last week, I had a conversation with my 15 year old son that brought this issue sharply to the surface.

My son learns in an excellent yeshiva and comes from a good home, thank God. Still, like many teenagers, he hears opinions from friends, news hotlines, older siblings, and the broader atmosphere around him. Those messages sink in deeply.

In our community, going to Meron on Lag B’Omer is not especially emphasized. The focus is generally on guarding one’s eyes and serving Hashem quietly and modestly rather than participating in massive crowded gatherings. The boys stay in yeshiva on Lag B’Omer like any regular day.

So this conversation was not really about my son personally. It was about the messages children absorb and the mindset they develop from the world around them.

The Conversation That Shook Me

Like every day, my son called me from yeshiva. We spoke about everyday things: the weather, Shabbat plans, the yeshiva food, and the stray dogs outside the yeshiva that constantly scare the boys.

But that day he sounded angry.

He had heard that the Meron gathering was being heavily restricted because of the security situation in northern Israel. Only a small number of people would be allowed to attend. He repeated things he had heard from others about protests and outrage over the decision.

I calmly explained that this was not about targeting a particular sector. It was a security issue. The north is dangerous right now, and protecting human life comes before any gathering or celebration.

But the conversation quickly became emotional.

He argued that the government was against the charedi public. I argued that protecting lives during wartime is not discrimination. We both became louder and more frustrated.

What upset me most was not that my teenage son was emotional. He is 15 years old. What upset me was hearing how easily children absorb a mindset of anger, victimhood, and blame from the world around them.

Teaching Children Responsibility Instead of Victimhood

I made something very clear to my son: I have zero tolerance for violence, aggression, vandalism, or harming others in the name of a cause. None.

No one has the right to hurt another person simply because they believe they are right.

You cannot teach children that violence is wrong while also teaching them that it is acceptable when directed toward people they disagree with. You cannot raise responsible children if there is always someone else to blame for every frustration or hardship.

Children absorb messages far more deeply than we realize. They learn not only from what we say, but from the attitudes, reactions, and behavior they constantly witness at home.

Judgment Matters More Than Following the Crowd

I told my son something I hope all children can learn:

Do not blindly follow the crowd.

The herd offers belonging, connection, and security. But it also carries danger, especially when people stop thinking critically and simply repeat what everyone else is saying.

Children need to learn how to ask questions, think independently, and examine situations honestly rather than automatically adopting the loudest opinion around them.

It is absolutely allowed to protest. It is allowed to express disagreement. It is allowed to advocate for your community and your values. But there is a right way to do it. Judgment and responsibility must guide those actions.

Human Life Comes First

The reality is simple: northern Israel is dangerous right now. Rockets and missiles have already fallen in that area, including recently. Bringing massive crowds into a potentially dangerous zone creates real risk.

As a Torah observant public that believes deeply in the value of human life and in the principle that saving a life overrides nearly everything else, we should be the first to prioritize safety and responsibility.

The Kind of Children I Hope to Raise

I hope to raise children who take responsibility for their lives.

Children who are not controlled by social pressure or by “what people will say,” but who examine situations honestly and choose what is upright, moral, and true.

Children who know how to ask questions.

Children who do not lose their values in moments of excitement or anger.

Children who never raise a hand against another person.

Children who respect every Jew, even those who are different from them.

May Hashem help all of us raise thoughtful, balanced, compassionate children who know how to think clearly, act responsibly, and stay grounded in Torah values. Amen.