Parenting and Priorities: The Message Hidden in Megillat Ruth

How would you feel if you suddenly discovered how your friends and family have you saved in their phones?

Most people probably use our regular names, while others add nicknames. Some names reflect family roles like Mom, Dad, Grandpa, or Aunt. Others relate to work, personality, or where someone lives. Sometimes the names are affectionate, and sometimes they are simply practical.

But behind those contact names lies something deeper: each of us carries multiple identities and plays many different roles throughout life.

If it were possible to measure how much time, energy, money, and emotional investment we devote to each area of our lives, which role would come out on top?

The People Who Call Us “Mom” and “Dad”

One of the most important arenas in life is parenting.

The people who have us saved in their phones as “Mom” or “Dad” are among the most precious people in our world. We all know that intellectually, but sometimes there is a painful gap between what we feel inside and what our children actually experience from us.

How much are we truly investing in our relationship with them?

Not only financially or practically, but emotionally:
How available are we?
How connected are we?
How much warmth, love, and attention do they genuinely feel from us?

Of course, life is demanding. We work hard to support our families, manage responsibilities, and handle endless distractions and pressures. Sometimes those demands are unavoidable.

But every so often, we need to pause and ask ourselves what matters most and whether our priorities truly reflect it.

The Small Choices That Shape Our Lives

Sometimes it is the smaller choices that end up defining who we really are.

In Book of Ruth, which we read on Shavuot, we encounter one of the greatest missed opportunities in Jewish history.

Before Boaz married Ruth, there was another relative who had the first right to redeem the family estate and marry Ruth. Had he accepted, he would have become part of the royal line leading to King David and ultimately to Mashiach.

But he refused.

The Megillah does not even mention his real name. Instead, he is referred to only as “Ploni Almoni,” an anonymous expression used to avoid publicly shaming him for his choice.

What caused him to lose such an extraordinary opportunity?

Chazal explain that concerns about status, reputation, and outside considerations prevented him from doing what was truly right.

And because of that, he missed a once in history mission.

Are We Missing Our Own Mission Too?

That question is deeply relevant today as well.

Sometimes, because of embarrassment, fear of judgment, or social pressure, parents avoid responding properly to children who are struggling emotionally or spiritually.

This is especially true when it comes to teenagers facing challenges.

The great Torah sages taught that struggling teens require wisdom, patience, warmth, and a completely different set of tools than we may naturally use. But are we willing to learn those tools? Are we trying to truly understand what our children need from us?

Or do outside pressures sometimes hold us back from giving them the support, acceptance, and connection they desperately need?

Perhaps, like that same Ploni Almoni, we sometimes become so focused on appearances or comfort that we miss the very mission Hashem placed in front of us.

And who knows whether the greatest purpose of our lives may be hidden specifically inside one difficult relationship, one struggling child, or one teenager who needs us not to give up on them.

The Message of Megillat Ruth

It is a Jewish custom to read Book of Ruth on Shavuot, and many reasons are given for this tradition.

Perhaps one of those reasons is to remind us not to miss our own unique mission in life.

Each of us has certain responsibilities, opportunities, and relationships that no one else can fulfill in our place.

Hashem places specific people into our hands for a reason.

The question is whether we recognize those moments when they appear, and whether we are willing to invest in what truly matters most.