Are You Truly Connecting With Your Child? A Simple Self-Assessment for Parents

This isn't a test to earn a "Parent of the Year" certificate. It's simply a small signpost along the journey.

1. Your child walks into the house looking upset. What do you do?

A. "Did something happen? Would you like to talk about it?"

B. "What happened this time? Don't tell me it has something to do with those friends again..."

C. "Take off your shoes first! Don't you see all that mud?"

2. Your child shares a dream or idea that sounds unrealistic. How do you respond?

A. "Wow, that's interesting! What made you think about that?"

B. "That's nice, but maybe you should focus on something more practical."

C. "Okay, but finish your homework first."

3. Your child makes a mistake or experiences a failure. What's the first thing you do?

A. Hug them, listen, and ask how you can help.

B. Give a lecture about responsibility.

C. Sigh loudly and add, "I told you this would happen."

4. How much quality time do you spend together each week (without screens, chores, or interruptions)?

A. Every day, sometimes even more.

B. About once a week.

C. Quality time? Does sitting silently together in the car count?

5. When was the last time you asked your child how they were feeling — and really listened?

A. This week.

B. A month ago or longer.

C. Feelings? They're a kid. I'm not a psychologist.

6. Your child gets into an argument with a sibling. How do you respond?

A. Pause, listen, and calmly help them work it out.

B. "Figure it out yourselves. I'm not a judge."

C. "Who started it? It's always the same one!"

7. Your child proudly shows you something they drew, wrote, or built. What is your reaction?

A. Get excited with them, show interest, and ask questions.

B. "Very nice, but maybe you could improve it a little. I would have added..."

C. "Finished? Now clean it up — it's making a mess."

8. Your child expresses a strong emotion such as anger, sadness, or frustration. What do you do?

A. Give them space to feel it without rushing to fix it.

B. Quickly try to calm them down, change the subject, or offer a treat.

C. "There's no reason to be upset. Stop being so dramatic."

Scoring

• A = 3 points

• B = 2 points

• C = 1 point

The highest possible score is 24 points.

Your Results

21–24 Points: A Heart-to-Heart Connection

You're present.

You see, hear, and feel your child.

You may not be perfect — and that's okay, but you're emotionally available. Your child knows it, and more importantly, feels it.

15–20 Points: A Connection That Needs Strengthening

Your intentions are good, but there's room to grow.

Try a little less pressure and a little more listening. A little less correcting and a little more hugging.

Small changes can make a big difference.

8–14 Points: Running on Low Fuel

Today is a great day to begin a small change.

Look your child in the eyes. Ask questions without judgment. Listen without immediately offering solutions.

Sometimes a single sentence can open a very big door.

One Last Reminder

There is no such thing as a perfect parent.

But every child wants to know one simple thing: "Am I enough, just as I am?"

Loved. Valued. Important.