She Thought Marriage Always Ends in Pain: How She Broke the Cycle

For years, Linoi believed marriage simply was not for her.

Whenever relatives would bless her at family weddings with the familiar phrase, "May it be your turn soon," she would smile and laugh it off.

"Get married? No way. Don't jinx me. I have plenty of time."

It became her standard response. While others wondered why she seemed so uninterested in marriage, Linoi was convinced she was being practical. In her mind, people needed to mature before getting married. Otherwise, they would end up repeating the painful mistakes she had witnessed throughout her life.

What she did not realize was that no one had ever taught her what a healthy marriage actually looked like. No one had shown her how to choose the right spouse, what qualities truly matter in a partner, or how to build a strong and loving relationship.

Growing Up Surrounded by Broken Relationships

"From the time I was a child, I was exposed to extremely unhealthy relationships," Linoi recalls. "The examples I saw taught me, in practice, that marriage was something negative."

According to Linoi, dysfunction seemed to surround her on all sides.

"I saw almost everything imaginable. There were forced marriages, interfaith relationships, violations of basic values within marriages, repeated divorces, and endless conflicts. Many of my relatives had been separated for years. I never saw a relationship built on genuine love, respect, and partnership.

"All I witnessed was heartbreak, chaos, and pain. Naturally, I wondered what chance I had of building a healthy, stable home."

Over time, those experiences shaped the way she viewed relationships.

Without realizing it, she developed beliefs that would follow her into adulthood and affect her ability to move forward.

The Long Road to Marriage

As the years passed, Linoi found herself navigating a difficult journey through prolonged singlehood.

Looking back, she recognizes that many of her fears and misconceptions were rooted in the unhealthy examples she had absorbed growing up.

Yet despite the challenges, there were also bright spots in her childhood.

"My parents loved me deeply," she says. "Whenever they weren't overwhelmed by their own struggles, they invested in me, encouraged my talents, and nurtured my spirit.

"Life is not always black and white. It's not only either-or. Sometimes it's both-and."

Linoi excelled in school and developed a love of learning that would eventually become a turning point in her life.

"I believe that my love of learning ultimately led me to open Jewish books and begin a journey of self discovery. Through Torah learning, I gradually learned what real love looks like, what qualities matter in a spouse, and what a healthy Jewish home is meant to be."

The Relationship That Nearly Ended

Even after meeting the man who would eventually become her husband, the road ahead was far from smooth.

Because neither of them had received proper guidance about relationships, they found themselves repeating unhealthy patterns.

"We stayed together for years, but we didn't really know how to build a healthy partnership," Linoi says. "The relationship was filled with arguments, misunderstandings, and frustration.

"After two or three years, my future husband was exhausted. He wanted to end the relationship. He simply couldn't handle the constant fighting anymore."

The possibility of losing him shook her deeply.

"This wasn't just another breakup. We both knew the relationship was serious. We cared about each other. The problem was that neither of us truly understood how to create a successful partnership."

The Turning Point

The crisis forced Linoi to take a hard look at herself and her future.

"I realized that if I didn't make a change, I could lose him forever," she says. "And beyond that, I understood that I might never succeed in building a healthy family because I kept repeating the same mistakes."

That realization became a turning point.

Linoi began listening regularly to lectures by Rabbi Zamir Cohen and studying Torah teachings on relationships, marriage, and personal growth.

"For the first time, I felt like I was discovering the truth. It was comforting to realize there was a path forward and that it was possible to succeed."

She committed herself to learning how healthy relationships function. She worked on her communication skills, her emotional reactions, and her understanding of partnership.

Gradually, things began to change.

"I learned to let go of resentment and frustration. I grew as a person. And with Hashem's help, despite all the obstacles, I eventually stood under the chuppah with that same man."

There Is Always Hope

Today, Linoi describes her life as completely different from the one she once knew.

"The difference between my old life and my life today is like night and day," she says.

Even after getting married, she continues learning and strengthening her marriage through lectures and Torah study.

"I can honestly say that I am happy in my marriage. After many years of struggle, I finally learned how to do things differently."

Her message to other singles is simple:

"Invest time in learning about relationships. Strengthen yourself emotionally and spiritually. Don't give up hope, and don't assume that your past determines your future.

"Even someone like me, who experienced so much pain, confusion, and disappointment, was ultimately able to get married and build a happy Jewish home.

"If it happened for me, it can happen for others too."

Linoi's story serves as a powerful reminder that no matter what examples a person grew up with, the future is not predetermined. With guidance, growth, faith, and perseverance, it is possible to break unhealthy patterns and create the kind of home one always dreamed of building.