Why Doesn’t My Daughter Have Friends? Plus 2 More Expert Answers

Parenting, childhood fears, and procrastination may seem like completely different challenges, but they all raise the same question: How can we respond more effectively when something in everyday life isn’t working as we hoped? In this Q&A, three experts offer practical guidance on helping a child navigate friendships, easing a young child’s fears, and understanding what may be behind the struggle to finish what we start.

My 9-Year-Old Never Invites Friends Over. Should I Be Concerned?

"My daughter is 9, and to this day, she has never brought a friend home. I can’t understand why. From speaking with other mothers, I know that other girls often get together in the afternoons. My daughter doesn’t go to friends’ homes either. Honestly, I don’t even know whether she has any friends. Is there anything I can do?"

There are certainly steps you can take. First, speak with your daughter in a caring and genuinely interested way to understand what is going on from her perspective. It is also worthwhile to speak with her teacher and find out whether anything significant is happening socially in the classroom.

If, Heaven forbid, there is no serious issue taking place, it may simply be that your daughter is more comfortable this way. And that may be perfectly fine, as long as she plays happily and enjoys spending time with the other girls at school.

If she truly does not have friends, however, you can gently help her develop friendships. You might ask another mother whether her daughter could come to your home as a surprise. Welcome the guest warmly and make sure the girls have something enjoyable to do together. Once a friend has come over, even just once, it may become much easier. Your daughter may discover how enjoyable it is to have a friend visit, and next time, she may even make the plans herself.

At a later stage, you can similarly encourage your daughter to visit a friend’s home.

Most importantly, remember that not every child wants or needs a large circle of friends. Some children prefer having just one close friend, a confidant whom they welcome warmly and give their all to. There is no need to change a child’s natural personality.

Menucha Fox, author, education process expert, marriage counselor, and head of the Chevdat Hashem girls’ seminary

My 3-Year-Old Is Suddenly Afraid at Night. How Can I Help Her?

"My daughter, age 3½, has started being afraid to stay alone in a room, especially at night. She also talks about being afraid of a barking dog. How can I help her?"

Helping a young child cope with anxiety begins with creating a sense of security, acknowledging her fears, and helping her process them in an age appropriate way.

Approach your child gently and supportively, offering a hug, physical reassurance, and warm words. Listen without judgment and let her know that it is okay to feel afraid.

Imaginative play can also help young children process difficult emotions. For example, you can use toys or other objects to represent what she is afraid of and explore ways to cope with it. Play allows a young child to work through feelings in a nonverbal way that is appropriate for her age.

You can also strengthen her sense of control through simple, calming bedtime rituals. Turn on a night-light together, repeat reassuring phrases such as, “You are safe. I’m here for you,” or use positive imagery. Short prayers or blessings appropriate for her age can also become part of the bedtime routine.

Simple relaxation techniques may help as well. Try “balloon breathing,” asking her to imagine slowly inflating a balloon as she breathes out. Calming touch, such as gently massaging her hands or back in circular motions, can help her relax and reinforce her sense of physical security. Quiet music or soothing sounds, such as flowing water, may also help her settle before bedtime.

Together, these techniques can help her feel safer and gradually cope with her fears.

Sigalit Dahan, couples and parenting coach integrating Jewish psychotherapy, and therapist in the Chashan Department

Why Do I Keep Starting Tasks but Never Finish Them?

"I struggle with procrastination. I start tasks, but I find it very difficult to finish them. This makes it hard to manage my home and function effectively at work. It is also important to me to be seen as accomplished and successful. What can I do?"

To begin and complete a task, the desire that motivates us to start must ultimately carry us through to completion. When we can identify what motivates us to begin but struggle to find the motivation to finish, it may indicate that two different desires are at work: one pushes us to start, while another prevents us from completing the task.

So what created the initial motivation, and what prevents the desire to finish from taking over?

Sometimes, the original motivation does not come from a genuine inner desire. Instead, it may come from a need to prove our abilities to the people around us. In that situation, we may become dependent on encouragement and recognition from others. When that external reinforcement disappears, the motivation that originally drove us begins to weaken.

At that point, we need to generate our own internal motivation to continue and complete the task, and that is where things can become difficult.

The intense desire to succeed can itself contribute to procrastination. In our minds, we may envision a perfect result that others will notice and admire. But the more perfect the result needs to be, the more difficult the path toward achieving it appears. That can make us postpone the task rather than complete it.

The more we learn to act from our genuine inner desires, the easier it can become to both begin and complete our tasks, without constantly needing to prove our abilities or achievements to others.

Inbal Elhayani, MA, certified practitioner in NLP and guided imagery